Somewhere in the Night
by Mara Greengrass
Summary: When Jonathan met Hoshi. . . Round robin in the ArcherSato forum of the Linguistics Database
1. Brazil and Beyond

Title: Somewhere In the Night 1/3  
Author: Jyorraku, Josephine, Chrysa, Didi, Mara, JustVisiting, Catseye  
E-Mail: For contact info, check the Linguistics Database Forum: .  
Rating: R  
Category: Romance  
Codes: A/S  
Summary: Round robin in the Archer/Sato forum. When Jonathan met Hoshi. . .   
Disclaimer: Star Trek and Enterprise are registered trademarks of Paramount Pictures. No infringement is intended.  
Notes: This was a round robin started in the Archer and Sato Forum: of the Linguistics Database: . There are multiple authors involved, please seek permission from all before archiving. Format by Jyorraku, beta by Mara, Portugese by Babelfish.

Posted By  


__

Jyorraku 

When Captain Jonathan Archer arrived at the Los Angeles Linguistics Institute, there were already students slowly trickling out the buildings. He had hoped to arrive early to see what actually went on in these places, but a shuttle malfunction delayed his arrival. He hoped Professor Sato was still there. She taught upper division exolinguistics and he wanted her recommendations on who to recruit for his communications officer. She had taken some classes at Starfleet Academy for a research position. Desk job. But she should know what it took to be a Starfleet officer. Yes, no matter who he was going to recruit, her recommendation would be vital.

He glanced at her file again. _No picture. Of a Japanese background, from the last name. Age . . . well, that's got to be a typo._ He looked suspiciously at everyone that he passed as he approached the building, hoping she hadn't left already.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Professor Hoshi Sato's classroom?" Archer politely inquired at the receptionist desk. 

The receptionist looked up, started to gesture, but ended up gaping at him instead.

"Oh my God! You're Jonathan Archer! You're going to be the captain of the Enterprise when they finally finish building that warp 5 engine!"

Archer smiled wryly, "Finally, yes. We're still in the testing phase."

The bubbly receptionist scrambled for a piece of paper. "Can I have your autograph?"

More students were filing out from his left and right. He tried to keep his head down. After the publicity stunts he had made on behalf of Starfleet, it was hard to walk on the street without being accosted by someone with hero worship in their eyes. "Sure," Archer quickly scribbled a signature, "I would really like to speak to Professor Sato, though."

"Oh yeah, she's heading off to Brazil right after this class. Her room is on your left, four doors down. Can't miss it. Her, that's another story, I mean once someone came to sit in on her class and thought she was a student--Hey! Thanks for the autograph!" the receptionist yelled after his fading footsteps. He didn't even finish listening to her. Admiring the bold scribble of her newly acquired autograph, she muttered to herself, "He's even cuter in person."

* * * * * 

Students were already filing out of her room. Archer went in and found himself amongst a sea of jabbering students and no teacher in sight. He grabbed a young female student and yelled to her, against the chaos, "I'm looking for Professor Sato!"

Suddenly, all the voices went silent and Archer found himself in the center of attention. The students stared curiously at the stranger in their mist. Archer braced himself for recognition, wondering how he was supposed to escape now. 

Then there was a snicker. Then another. Then the whole class fell into giggles as they started to file out again. Archer was severely puzzled at their reaction.

A male student patted him on the shoulder. "Nice one, _Captain_. See you later, Prof."

A melodious female voice called out next to him, "See you later, Jeremy. Good luck on the Academy entrance exam!"

Archer jerked his head around. The young female _student_ he had pulled aside smiled beguilingly at him.

"I'm Hoshi Sato. I believe you were looking for me?" __

Josephine 

Archer just stared at the 'student' in front of him. He had faced countless dignitaries and members of Starfleet High Command, yet he could feel his face redden under her amused gaze.

"I...ah...I'm Captain Archer, of the Enterprise. I called...?"

Professor Sato's smile grew. "Yes, I remember. Walk with me to my office. I have a few minutes before I have to leave for Brazil."

Archer followed her like a puppy. He was captivated by her smooth voice.

"So, Captain, what can I do for you?" Hoshi sat behind her desk and motioned him into a chair. Her eyes never left his face.

Archer got himself back under control. "I was hoping you could give me some recommendations for a communications officer. I had considered Frank Johansson..."

Hoshi laughed. "Frank? You're kidding. Sure he was number one in our class, but he certainly didn't deserve it. He's the worst sycophant I've ever seen." Archer's brows rose. Hoshi grinned back. "And I'm not saying that because I was number two. The man is a total suck up. He is _not_ Starfleet material."

"Then who?" Archer watched, mesmerized as Hoshi nibbled her bottom lip, thinking.

"Alexander? Vignerot? Dalrymple?" Her forehead creased as she thought.

"You." Archer surprised himself with his outburst. Hoshi looked up. 

"What?"

"You. I want you." Archer smiled inwardly at the double entendre.

"Me? I'm not going into space."

Archer leaned forward. "I want you, Professor Sato, and I'm going to get you."  
__

Chrysa 

Hoshi raised an eyebrow. "Do you think you have what it takes?"

Archer grinned but before he could answer there was a knock at the door. 

"Come in!"

A pretty blond poked her head in and smile. "Hiya, Prof. Got my report for you."

Hoshi held out her hand and the student slipped in and gave it to her. "Oh, Julie, this is Captain Jonathan Archer. Captain, this is Julie Summers. She's one of my best students."

Archer and Julie shook hands and Julie turned to Hoshi. "I hear there's a good thunderstorm brewing where you're going."

Hoshi smiled brightly. "Excellent." At Archer's confused look she said, "I like listening to thunderstorms. Don't like being _in_ them but I like listening to them and watching the lightning flicker in the sky."

"Have a good time, Prof," Julie said heading for the door. Just as she opened it she turned and let out a series of clicks and trills.

Hoshi blushed and glanced at Archer before laughing and making shooing motions at Julie. "Go, you trouble maker!" 

With a last laugh Julie slipped out the door. Shaking her head, Hoshi turned to see Archer regarding her with a raised eyebrow of his own. "What exactly does that mean?"

Hoshi bit her lip. "It means I have a flight to Brazil to catch, Captain." She rose from her chair, paused to grab a bag from her closet, and headed for the door.

"Wait, that's it? You're just going to leave?"

Hoshi's laughter rang down the hall. "You want me? Come get me!" __

Josephine 

* * * * * 

Archer sighed. The heat was getting to him. If Sato wasn't such a good linguist, he'd have said the hell with her and gotten someone else. But she was the best, and he needed the best. Which explained why the exalted captain of the starship Enterprise had gone to Brazil to convince a lowly ensign to join his crew.

Archer sighed again, taking off his soaked t-shirt. Insect spray stopped the bugs from biting, but nothing could stop the sweat from pouring off him. Now wearing only hiking boots and shorts, he began to feel a little cooler.

"How much farther?" Archer called to the guide.

"Just around the bend, Senhor."

Five more minutes and a bend in the path brought them to a small village. Archer could see numerous members of the indigenous tribe going about what he assumed was their daily routine. The guide brought him over to a newer structure, where he could hear Hoshi's voice emanating. He smiled at the thought of seeing her again. Archer waited outside where the guide told him to stand.

"Senhora Sato! I have a visitor for you!" The guide stood just outside the doorway.

"Enrico? What are you doing back so soon? And with a visitor?" Hoshi shielded her eyes as she came out of the dark hut into the bright sunlight.

Archer grinned at the sight. Hoshi was also stripped down to the essentials in this heat, tank top, shorts, and boots. Her hair was piled on top of her head, but tendrils had come loose, and were plastered to her skin.

Hoshi just stared at Archer. To say he was the last person on Earth she expected to see would be an understatement. Her eyes roamed over him. The uniform he wore in her office didn't even hint at his broad chest, flat stomach .... Hoshi stopped her thoughts from going any lower. _At least for now._ She took a deep breath. "What are you doing here?"

Archer's grin widened. "You did tell me to come and get you if I wanted you. And I want you, Ensign." __

Jyorraku 

Hoshi was taken aback by his appearance here. And despite his easy grin, Hoshi suddenly felt like he was _not_ going to let her slip out of his hands and whether she liked it or not, space was where she was going to be. This was turning serious.

"Ensign already? I haven't agreed to go back with you yet and I'm already demoted from Professor to Ensign," Hoshi said dryly.

That wasn't something Archer had contemplated yet, but somehow he knew that wasn't really what was at issue. Perhaps with Frank Johansson it would have been, but not her. "I don't think it matters that much to you."

Surprised that he already knew so much about her from their short time together, Hoshi tried another route. 

"Captain, you do realize there are an enormous number of qualified linguists waiting in line to get on the Enterprise, don't you?" Did she even need to remind him?

Realizing that she was finally taking his offer seriously, Archer's grin faded and held her eyes level with his. "Qualified, yes. But I want the best."

The intensity of his eyes started to scare her. Something told her that she needed to end this right now, or she'd be swayed. Swayed to join him in a tin can hurling out to space at impossible speeds. Swayed to take a chance. To leave the comforts and luxuries of teaching and do something completely unlike her. 

Hoshi broke their eye contact and said to the rock by her shoe, "I'm certainly not the best. If you want the best, Frank Johansson graduated first in our class--"

She was scared of being tempted now, grasping at straws. Archer knew. To bring up Frank Johansson again when she'd already dismissed him was a sure sign that he was having an effect. 

"You were twelve."

Hoshi blinked at him. "What?"

"You were second, but you were just twelve years old."

Her lips thinned to a white line. "That's certainly no excuse." It was not an excuse. That's what her parents said. She was gifted damn it, there was absolutely no excuse for her to come in second.

Archer nearly laughed. "Do you want to know what _I_ was doing at twelve? It certainly nothing to do with competing with someone nearly twice my age."

"That's not the point, Captain," Hoshi protested. Her heart was pounding fast now. "If you don't want Frank Johansson, there are nearly a dozen other graduates from later classes who are more than qualified. I can vouch for that! I'm not suited for space. It's like jumping over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Things out there," Hoshi rolled her eyes, exasperated at herself, "thing down on earth give me the creeps, what makes you think I'll last out there?" 

She had nearly yelled that last part. He had forced it out of her. She had always been the youngest amongst her academic peers, so she had to be extra strong, extra confident, otherwise people would step all over her. No matter how enticing space and its languages, she could not bear the thought of showing someone that there was a weak side to her.

Archer, surprised at her outburst, was momentarily speechless. But he realized that nothing she said had to do with her linguistic ability or her desire to seek out new languages. She knew she what she had and what she wanted. It was only fear that was stopping her.

"Senhor! Senhora! A storm is coming, we should start heading back to the university compound before it starts pouring."

Somewhere far off, thunder rumbled. Hoshi shivered at the majestic sound. If she hurried back she could go one of the observatories and watch the sky without getting wet. Excitement drummed in her veins as she started to collect her things.

Something tickled behind Archer's memory. Yes, when they were still back in LA, Hoshi had said something about listening and watching storms, but not wanting to be in them. Watch them from a _safe_ distance. Always safe. An idea started to take form in his mind as the clouds darken overhead.

"Come on, we'll give you a ride back," Hoshi offered.

Archer frowned in confusion. "But I hiked here."

Hoshi grinned mischievously at him. "I know you did."

__

Captain of the Enterprise! Conned by an ensign! But instead of getting mad, Archer smiled, dangerously.

At the sight of that feral smile, Hoshi instinctively stepped back. 

"No, I hiked here, I'll hike back."

"But the rain--"

"And you're coming with me."

"WHAT?!" __

Didi 

For a moment, she was sure she had heard him wrong. There was no way in the world she could....

"Come along, Ensign." Jonathan Archer wore the kind of grin every mother warned their daughters about. "If we hurry, we just might make it back before it starts to really pour."

For a moment, she was tempted to say the hell with him and climb into the jeep that sat neatly parked in view. The natives frowned at her need for modern conveniences. But there was something that sparkled in the young captain's eyes that made her spine stiffen. "Is this really necessary?"

"Yes, of course it is." He grinned at her and tugged on her arm. "Come on, it will be nice breezy walk down--"

"The side of a mountain with a giant thunderstorm chasing our tails."

"What better way for us to be acquainted before you join me in space?"

"I haven't agreed to anything yet, Captain," she replied tugging at her arm, which was clasped firmly in Archer's big hand. "And could you stop dragging me along like a dog on a leash?"

"Defensive," Jonathan replied with the same grin still gracing his face. "Come now, you know that it's only a matter of time before you give into my charms."

That certainly produced a laugh from Hoshi as she tripped down the mountainside with the big man. The light drizzling rain had begun, cooling them down while raising the temperature through the thick humidity. "You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say..."

"You should have been first." Archer murmured quietly as they moved further down, away from the curious ears of the native tribes. 

She said nothing, hating herself for feeling just slightly vindicated that someone else believed her to be the best. But even the words of the first deep space captain couldn't make up for the many cold and disappointed looked received from her very disapproving parents. 

Hoping for a safer topic, she glanced at his strong capable profile for a moment. "Dragging me wet, tired and hungry down a mountain side is hardly going to convince me to go along with your plans."

Tossing her a survival bar, he continued to walk down the now slightly slippery slope. "You know, you should wear your hair like that more often. It makes you looks just old enough to be respectable."

"What does that mean?" she asked, chewing on the tough as cardboard bar. "Yuck, you'd think after three hundred years someone might have come up with a better tasting bark for me to gnaw on."

"Do you always do that?"

"What?"

"Change the subject when the current one doesn't suit you?" He asked as he grabbed her arm just as she was destined to trip over an exposed root. 

Fearing for her own safety, she swung around too fast to avoid barreling into the more than solid chest of the man by her side. Feeling the heat crept quickly from neck to forehead, she pushed herself away quickly. Too quickly.

She never even saw the branch before it smacked her across the base of her neck, spending stars exploding in her field of vision. 

The last thing she remembered clearly just before the darkness descended upon her was Jonathan Archer's soulful green eyes wide with shock and concern. "Ensign?" __

Chrysa 

* * * * * 

"Ensign?. . . .Ensign?. . . Great, Jon, just great. Meet a beautiful woman, try to convince her that life onboard a ship is the best thing since sliced bread, get her whacked upside the head with a branch. Just friggin' great. Trip's going to laugh his ass off when he hears about this. . . " 

A loud boom of thunder registered in Hoshi's hearing and drowned out whatever else Archer said. _Thunderstorm,_ she thought. _How come I'm not wet?_ She opened her eyes. They were sheltered underneath an overhang in the rocks. 

Outside the thunderstorm raged but inside it was dry. . . and warm. . . Frowning, Hoshi looked over to the side and saw a nice crackling fire. She snorted. _Figures, he would be a boy scout._

The sound brought Archer out of his rant. "Hey," he smiled down at her. "You're awake."

"Mmmm. . . Tell me again why we couldn't take the jeep?. . . And who's Trip?" Hoshi decided to save the beautiful woman comment as ammunition for a later date. __

Josephine 

". . . Trip? Trip is Commander Charles Tucker the 3rd. He's the Chief Engineer of the Enterprise." 

"And he'd find this funny?" 

"Yeah, well, he's pretty smooth with the ladies." 

"Ah. And the jeep?" 

Archer finally met her eyes again. "Hoshi, I'm not going beat around the bush. You are the best. THE best. I need the best with me, out there where there are new languages that we are starting from scratch with. I need your ear, I need your uncanny ability with languages, I need YOU. I realize the unknown scares you, but we'll all be there for each other. Look at us now. There's a thunderstorm out there, but we're protected, we're dry, we've got a fire, we've got food." 

As Hoshi started to open her mouth, little rivulets of water started to pour over the overhang. They scrambled toward the back of the shelter, trying not to get wet.

"There's not enough room," Hoshi muttered. 

"Yes there is. Here, let me sit like this. . . " Archer sat with his back against the rock. ". . . And you sit here." He hauled Hoshi over his knee to sit between his legs, drawing them up out of the way of the fire. 

Hoshi sat stiff as a board. "You got us to this shelter, you made the fire. I knocked myself out with a branch." 

Archer rummaged through his pack, bringing out two fruit bars and a canteen of water. "And if we encountered a native tribe, you'd be the one who could convince them we meant no harm. Hungry?" he offered her a fruit bar. 

"Um. . . thank you." Taking the bar, Hoshi unwrapped it slowly. She couldn't believe she was sitting in what amounted to Captain Jonathan Archer's lap. 

"You might as well get comfortable. We'll probably be here awhile." His voice tickled her ear. Hoshi gasped slightly and turned her head, almost bumping noses with Archer. He smiled at her, his green eyes dancing. . . 

__

Kiss him. . . just kiss him. . . 

"All right. . . " Hoshi relaxed against his chest as he moved back. She closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of him against her back. _Should have kissed him. . . _Hoshi shivered at the thought of his lips on hers, and what it could have led to. 

"Cold?" Archer wrapped his arms around her. Hoshi nearly groaned. _What have I gotten myself into?_ She decided not to think about it too much, and fell into a light sleep. __

Didi __

Honeysuckle and roses, Archer thought as he held her close. Her little body felt like a block of ice. _Wonder why women can't seem to keep enough body heat to stay alive. Maybe it has something to with men having..._ The thought was lost as Jonathan felt his own body produce too much body heat for comfort. _Easy cowboy, you're going to scare her off before she's even said yes to the mission!_

Shifting until he was comfortable once more against the rock, he grinned. _Trip really is going to have a field day with this. Here I am, trying to convince a beautiful woman to come to space with me and keep me alive, and I end up with her in my arms. Wonder if old Trip would turn green with envy or blue with laughter._

"Hum..." Hoshi wiggled in her sleep, her body curling around enough to give her more comfort at the same time it was driving Jonathan crazy. 

__

Okay, time for me to put her down. Shifting his burden onto the ground, he almost got his arm around when her head flopped over and hit a sharp protrusion. 

"Ouch!" Hoshi came awake with a start and rubbed the offended area of her head vigorously. She looked up at him with a delightful pout, "You were saying something about this being easy?" 

He grinned. He wasn't sure what it was about the young lady that was just so... darn attractive, but everything about her screamed out cute. "Okay, so there will be some rough spots along the way, but I'm sure we can get through it just fine." 

"_I_ haven't agreed to anything yet," Hoshi replied carefully moving the rest of her body to investigate any more damages. "_I_ don't particularly like space. It's one of the reasons I'm only _technically_ part of Starfleet." 

"Just think of all the wonderful things you'll get to see and learn, Ensign." He argued, leaning forward. _Yep, definitely honeysuckle and roses._

She looked at him with amusement then opened her mouth to speak. 

But he beat her to it. Leaning in even close, he allowed himself the pleasure of seeing the surprise in her dark eyes. She was just too tempting. "Just think of all the different languages you'd be the first to listen to... to learn... to translate..." He drew each job out like a seduction of the mind. 

She shivered slightly, whether from the cold or not was another question. __

Jyorraku 

Tempting. Way too tempting. 

__

The job or the man? asked the amused voice inside her. 

__

Shut up, Hoshi! she chided herself. Oh God, she wasn't even out in space yet and she was already going crazy. Weary, she inched away from Archer. Not that there was that much space in this tiny alcove to begin with. She could still feel heat emitting from his body. 

Archer didn't let her off that easily. He closed in on her, denying her retreat. "Tell me that's not want you want. Tell me that's not why you became an exo-linguist." 

Hoshi suddenly felt like she was little red riding hood and he was the big bad wolf. _What a very broad chest you have, grandma. . . _She was his prey and he had her cornered. Were her ambitions and desires so completely transparent? 

Then, somewhere above them, thunder roared, followed by a bright flash, lighting up the rainy sky. Hoshi gasped aloud as she felt the vibrations echoing through her, drumming through her veins. It was the first time she'd heard thunder so close. It was fresh, clear, and first hand. 

Archer watched her carefully. She looked to be in some kind of trance, though her breath was too uneven for it and her face too flushed. She looked. . . too damn excited. It was just lightning for pete's sake. She didn't have to look so. . . Swallowing hard, Archer ran his hand over his face. Did she have any idea what she was doing to him? 

"I've never heard it this way before," Hoshi whispered with awe in her voice. 

Of course. That's what he was doing here. Recruiting her. _Keep your eyes on the goal,_ Archer reminded himself. "This is the way it should always be heard. Up close and personal," he added, hoping this was going to be the thing to sway her. 

Hoshi blinked a few times, as if to digest his words. Then her face split into a crooked grin and she had to force herself not to roll her eyes. "I'm perfectly aware of the parallels you're trying to make, Captain, I'm reluctant, not obtuse." 

Smart mouth. Smart pretty mouth. Archer sighed inwardly. He really didn't like where his thoughts were trying to take him. 

"You don't have to hit me over the head with it. . . " Hoshi continued to say, "I--OW! I didn't mean that literally!" She glared Archer, who stared blankly at her. Puzzled, she then stared at the offensive rock that had just bounced off her head. Suddenly, the earth started to rumble and more rocks fell all around them. Water started dripping overhead, dousing the fire he'd built. 

Archer stood up immediately and covered her from the falling debris as they scrambled out of the alcove. 

Hoshi's arm was tense under his hand. "You okay?!" Archer asked as the rain poured down on them. 

Her head pivoted back and forth. Listening. 

"This is bad," she said, to no one in particular. 

"I've had bad." 

Her head jerked. "This is worse." A second later, her eyes snapped to his and yelled, "Run!" 

Archer didn't ask for the details, trusting her judgment. "Which way?!" 

Hoshi grabbed his bigger hand in her smaller one and they started to head southeast. 

The rain was coming down faster and harder. They could each see their breaths now, misty in the icy downpour as they jogged and tumbled through the woods. 

Even Archer could hear the roar now. Flash flood. Only he wasn't sure which way it was heading. Hoshi was his only guide. 

They came to what would have been a quaint little creek had they been a couple hours earlier. Now it looked like a deceptively shallow stream with water storming down at impossible speeds. 

Archer held her hand tightly in his as they prepared to cross the stream. "Hold on tight!" 

Hoshi snorted incredulously, "You don't have to tell me twice!" 

Biting cold water gushed around her bare knees as they navigated across the creek. The rock bottom was slippery, and she was about to lean into Archer for weight support when her foot slipped and she plunged into the icy depths. 

"HOSHI!" Archer turned to grab her, only to see the sheer terror in her eyes as she went under. He leaped toward dry ground and ran down the bank. Rain poured on him, branches snapped at him, mud spattered around his shoes, but he had only one thing in sight. 

Starfleet survival training was extensive, but since it was something that Hoshi thought she'd never use, it was not something she thought about often. It was amazing how things start to kick in when you're in a life or death situation. Despite the overwhelming urge to panic, she let the current carry her. She conserved her energy while her arms sprayed wide to grasp any anchor she could find. Then there it was, a fallen tree lined up across the banks. It rushed at her like a ton of bricks but she managed to hold on, digging her fingers into the semi-rotting bark. 

"HOSHI!" Came her name from somewhere above. But she was so tired. It was an effort to just move her head. Besides, she already knew who it was. 

Archer stood at the higher left bank of the creek. His heart nearly stopped at the sight of Hoshi, wet and tired, but alive and holding on. If he thought she was beautiful before, she was a goddess now. 

"Grab my hand!" 

Hoshi managed to turn her neck. That took nearly every ounce of energy she had. She gazed forlornly back at Archer. "I can't!" She couldn't even feel her arms and legs anymore, how was she supposed to grab his hand?! 

"Yes you can! C'mon Hoshi. I know you can do it!" 

Then there was a louder roar somewhere in the upstream. The water was going to flood the entire creek and take the both of them with it if they didn't get to higher ground. 

"Get out of here!" Hoshi managed to say. He couldn't die there with her. He had better things to do, more things to accomplish then drown with some nobody linguist. 

Archer felt an angry twitch on his cheek. "No. I'm not going without you. Now grab my hand! That's an order, Ensign!" 

She thought she would cry in frustration if she could still feel her face. Did he think she wouldn't reach for him if she could?! 

"Hoshi," Archer said, his green eyes boring into hers, "Trust me." 

Biting so hard into her lip that she could taste the blood, Hoshi drank down his words. Then, slowly but surely, she released her death grip on the tree and reached for him. 

When he touched her icy fingers, he all but tore his arm out of its socket to reach further down to get a secure grip. Finally, with both their efforts, Archer hauled her up. They wordlessly climbed up to a higher ledge as the water washed by their ankles. 

Exhausted, Hoshi collapsed on top of Archer while the both of them tried to catch their breaths. Even now, she could hear their hearts pounding in unison. His arms were still securely around her, chasing away the cold, just as they had before. 

She blinked slowly, watching as his eyes caught hers. Her skin tingled where it used to be numb, the wet thin clothes between the both of them no match for his body heat. In all her year, she'd never felt so. . . alive. 

Archer could feel her body shifting. He caught her shoulder before she could do anything else. "This is a bad idea," he breathed. This situation was a classic case of residual adrenaline rush. . . anything they did now they'd probably regret later. So he had to be the clear-headed one, no matter how much his body and instincts screamed at him. He was the captain of the goddamn Enterprise, damn it! 

"_You've_ had enough bad ideas for today, it's my turn," Hoshi replied as she ignored his restraint and leaned in. Then she abruptly stopped, staring at the red line that ran down his cheek. "You're bleedin--" Hoshi yelped in surprise as Archer, with a frustrated growl, yanked her lips down to his. __

Chrysa 

It was another loud roar of water that finally brought them out of it. With a gasp, Hoshi looked up to see an almost solid wall of water coming down the side of the mountain. They wouldn't be swept away by it but there would be debris floating in it just waiting for the chance to be flung into the air. "Roll!" 

Not waiting to find out what else was going to go wrong, Archer rolled them away from the ledge and as close to the tree line as possible. They stood and Hoshi yelped in pain as she slipped on a rock and her ankle twisted. Picking her up, Archer headed up higher into the trees before stopping to rest next to the trunk of a large tree. Wordlessly, they watched as a fallen tree being carried away by the raging river was lifted up out of the water and slammed onto the ledge where they'd been only a few minutes before. 

Holding her securely against him, Archer looked down to see Hoshi staring at the ledge with wide eyes. She started to shake. "We--we could have been--" 

Archer rested his cheek against her forehead. "But we're not. It's okay. We're alive and we're going to be fine." He looked at her again and noticed that her eyes were bright and excited. For having two near death experiences in the space of minutes this was not quite the reaction he'd expected from her. "Hoshi? Are you all right?" 

She grinned. "Actually, I've never felt better. . . .Do you think we might get out of the rain first before we do any more kissing though?" __

Josephine __

More kissing. Archer tore his thoughts away from the delightful image of Hoshi in his arms. "First we have to get you warm. You're soaked through. Here. . . " he rummaged through his pack, pulling out a dry shirt. ". . . take off that wet one and put this on." Archer turned his back so Hoshi had some privacy, breathing deeply to regain his equilibrium. 

A quiet Hoshi took the proffered shirt, also turning her back to change. _He's not getting away that easily. Not after that kiss._ She wouldn't stoop to using feminine wiles on him, but Jonathan Archer wouldn't find it so easy to forget she was around. 

"Finished." Hoshi tossed the wet t-shirt at Archer, almost smacking him the face as he turned. "Sorry," she giggled. He gave her a look that promised later retribution. 

Archer brought out his bolo and used it to start tearing the shirt into strips. Putting the knife down, he started wrapping Hoshi's ankle. "This might hurt a little." 

Looking up at her gasp, Archer saw Hoshi biting her lip against the pain. Lips he had just been kissing. Concentrating on her ankle, he quickly finished, trying not to let his hands linger. "The underbrush is too wet to start a fire, I'll try to build a shelter before it gets any worse." Archer had picked up the bolo when they heard a voice. 

"Capitão Archer! Professor Sato! Onde estão você?" 

Hoshi felt a mixture of relief at being rescued and disappointment at not being alone with Archer anymore. "Enrico! Aqui!" 

"That was quick, how did they find us so easily?" 

Hoshi grinned. "We all have transmitters in our boots so if we get lost, we can be found before something happens." 

"Well. Let's go then, shall we?" Archer sheathed the bolo, then put on his pack, not looking at Hoshi the entire time. Kneeling beside her, he scooped her up into his arms, walking toward the sound of Enrico's voice. 

Archer was also feeling a mix of emotions at being rescued. _Now what? Either she'll come back with you to Enterprise, where the chain-of-command will stand between you; or she'll stay on Earth, and you'll probably never see her again. I can't let it end this way!_

Hoshi struggled against fatigue as Archer carried her to the jeep. He held her on his lap in the cramped vehicle as they rode back to the main village; her head on his chest as sleep finally over came her. 

* * * * * 

Hoshi woke up in a soft bed with light streaming through the shutters. 

"Ah, Senhorita! You're awake. How are you feeling? And your ankle?" 

Struggling to sit upright, Hoshi saw Senhora Perez come toward her with a glass of water. "How did I get here?" 

"The Capitão, he brought you up to your bed himself. Wouldn't let anyone else touch you. A fine figure of a man, your Capitão." 

"He's not my Capit--Captain." Ever since Hoshi had started boarding at Senhora Perez's house the older woman had been looking out for her. 

"That's not what he thinks." Hoshi barely heard the Senhora's mutterings. Louder, she asked, "How is your ankle? Will you be able to dance at the fiesta tonight?" 

"Fiesta? Why are you having a party? The feast of Our Lady of Lourdes isn't for a week." 

Rummaging through Hoshi's closet, Senhora Perez tossed out "It's to celebrate your assignment to the Enterprise. Such an honor." 

"That man! I never said I would take the job, Senhora." Flinging off the covers, Hoshi hobbled to the door. "Where is he? I'll not be pushed around like. . . " Pulling the door open, Hoshi came face to face with the cause of all her recent problems. 

"Hoshi! You're up! Are you sure you're okay?" Archer stood in the door looking at a decidedly rumpled and ruffled linguist. 

"Just what do you mean by telling these people I'm accepting this assignment? They're throwing a party for me!" 

"Hoshi! I didn't tell them anything. They jumped to that conclusion themselves, and by the time I found out about the party, it was too late to stop it." 

Hoshi hobbled back to the bedpost. "I feel like I'm being railroaded into this! You come to my office, say you want me; you follow me to Brazil, for goodness sake, and now my friends are giving me a going away party! Don't I have a say in my own life?!?" 

Archer could hear the frustration in Hoshi's voice and realized she was close to tears. He motioned to Senhora Perez to leave them alone. Taking Hoshi in his arms, he let her cry out the stresses of the day. 

"Of course you have a say in your life, if you want me to go, I will. I just wanted you to realize how much I. . . we need you on the Enterprise. But it's totally up to you if you come or stay. I'm sorry I bullied you. I'll go back to San Francisco, and you can let me know later what your decision is." Archer waited with a heavy heart for her to send him away. 

Hoshi buried her face into his chest, embarrassed by her spate of tears. She didn't want him to go. She was going to accept the assignment, but as soon as she did, they went from equal footing to one where her was her superior. And she didn't want that to happen quite yet. 

"No, stay. They're having a fiesta; it would be rude to leave. I've made up my mind anyway, so you wouldn't be pressuring me anymore." 

"Are you going to tell me?" 

Still not looking at him she replied, "No. Not until tomorrow." 

Archer sighed with relief. At least he got one more evening with her. "The fiesta doesn't startfor another few hours. Do you want to rest more?" 

"Yes, I do, thanks." Hoshi pulled away, meaning to hop to the bed, but Archer swung her up into his arms again and placed her gently down on the sheets. 

"Let me take another look at that ankle." Unwrapping the makeshift bandage, he moved her foot around, checking for swelling. "It looks better, does it hurt much?" 

Trying to think past the warmth of his fingers on her skin, Hoshi managed to get a 'No" out. 

"Good. I'll re-wrap it, and maybe you can dance on it tonight," Archer said with a grin. Tucking her in after he was done, he kissed her forehead. "See you later." 

__

Damn straight you will, Hoshi said to herself as she watched the handsome captain of the Enterprise walk out of her room. 

* * * * * 

"So he's not you're Capitão, is he?" Senhora Perez stood behind Hoshi, who was looking at herself in a mirror. "Then why do you dress so nice? It is isn't for any of the men around here, that's for sure!" 

Hoshi looked at her outfit, cobbled together from the finery of the Senhora's five daughters. "Well, maybe my captain, a little bit." She ran a brush through her hair one last time, deciding on wearing it down. 

"Hmph. Good thing your bed's as big as it is." 

"Senhora!" 

"What? Like I don't see the way he looks at you. Or you at him. Come. You won't look any better than you do now. Except when you get married." 

Giving Senhora Perez an exasperated look, Hoshi gingerly walked out the door and down the steps to where Jonathan was waiting for her. __

Mara 

Hoshi didn't think of herself as a vain person, particularly. In a roundabout way, she supposed she was pretty, but it had never figured highly in her life. 

Then she walked out the door toward the man who wanted her to go into space with him--on his ship at least--and saw the look in his eyes. And she knew that in his eyes she was beautiful. That thought simultaneously warmed her and frightened her. 

Without a word, he held out his arm and she linked her arm through his to hobble to where the fiesta would be held. 

"I could carry you," he said. 

She looked to see if he was kidding, but couldn't tell. "No thanks, somehow I think it would give the wrong impression if you carried me into the room." 

That got a grin. "What wrong impression?" 

"Never mind." She shook her head at the incorrigible Jonathan Archer, still trying to get an answer out of her before she was ready. 

The room was full of her friends, her colleagues, and the family she'd found here in Brazil. _Am I ready to start over?_ she wondered as they cheered her entry and her safe recovery. 

Hoshi and Jonathan were placed in seats of honor in the center of all the excitement and food was brought to them. She got tired of telling the story of being lost and then found again, and even more tired of the winks and nudges the retelling always caused. 

But every time the noise, her aching ankle, the excesses of food, and the assumptions of her friends started to annoy her, she'd look over at Jonathan, immersing himself in a new culture and obviously having a blast. And that core of annoyance would just melt away when he grinned at her. 

__

Damn it! she thought, swallowing convulsively. _Why did Starfleet have to pick a captain who was handsome?_ Tears pricked her eyes. 

A look of concern came over his face, and he leaned toward her, yelling into her ear over the music. "Are you sure you're okay? Is it your ankle?" 

"No, I'm fine," she said, forcing a smile. "Just tired." 

"Okay," he said, but she could see him keeping a closer eye on her, even when he was dragged out to dance. He seemed reluctant to leave her, but she urged him to enjoy himself. 

She tried to have a good time, although she longed to dance. 

__

You know, Hoshi, following him into space isn't going to solve your problems. You've still got that pesky chain of command thing to deal with. 

Finally, the party began to wind down, or at least die down enough that Hoshi felt she could go back to bed without desperately insulting her hosts. She smiled brightly at Jonathan. "Time to get some sleep, I think. I'll just hobble back to my room--" 

"Not alone," he said, putting down his drink and helping her stand up. She couldn't decide whether she wanted him to accompany her or not. 

__

Is it going to make your decision any easier if he...well, if something happens? she wondered. A buried portion of her brain brightly pointed out that the kissing had been quite nice, and if she wanted to do that again, there'd be no objection from down there. She ruthlessly stifled that thought, and concentrated on walking without further injuring her ankle. 

Halfway to her room she stumbled on the weak ankle, and without even asking, he swept her up in his arms. She couldn't decide whether to giggle like a child or yell at him like a fishwife. She settled for behaving like a reasonable adult and letting him carry her rather than hurting her ankle. 

The buried portion of her brain noted casually that he had a rather nice warm and comfortable chest. _Great, betrayed by my own brain. It's hopeless._ She groaned. 

"Are you okay?" Jonathan asked. 

"Fine. Really. My ankle. Never mind." She leaned against his chest and closed her eyes. _Some linguist I am. A man picks me up and I'm reduced to two-word sentences._

They reached her room, and she held her breath as he carried her across the threshold of the room. _Does he really not know what that means in some cultures?_

He placed her carefully on the bed. She sat on the edge and looked up at him. 

"Jonathan--" 

"I'm looking forward to your decision tomorrow. I hope you agree to join the crew," he said, turning to leave. 

She held out her hand. "Wait." __

Josephine 

Hoshi couldn't believe she just told Jonathan to wait. A blush spread over her cheeks as she glanced down at her ankle. "Umm. . . " 

"What is it?" Jonathan came over and sat at the foot of the bed. "Your ankle hurting more?" He gently picked Hoshi's foot up and began to unwrap it. Hoshi closed her eyes and gently bit her lip at the sensations Jon's hands were giving her. 

"It's still a bit swollen, but it's not stiffening up." Gently rotating her ankle, Jonathan looked up at Hoshi. Thinking she was in pain, he set her foot down and moved up to sit right next to her. "Hoshi?" Jonathan smoothed her hair back from her face, trying to read her expression. 

Raising her head Hoshi met his green eyes filled with concern. "I. . . I'm fine. Maybe a little tired, but I don't think I could sleep yet. Would you mind sitting with me awhile?" 

Jonathan looked at her: hair spilling around her face, cheeks flushed, breast rising and falling under the thin blouse. . . he turned away. "I don't think so, Hoshi." 

Swallowing her pride, Hoshi leaned forward and laid a hand on his arm. "Please?" 

Tuning back, Jon found himself just inches from Hoshi's face. "If I stay, Hoshi, I can't promise that I won't. . . that I'll act the gentleman." 

"I know." 

"But do you realize what it will do to our working together? And if you don't come with us, I don't know when I'll be back." 

"I'll be honest with you, Jon. I'm going to take the position. And I realize that once I become active, that we can't be together. I can accept that. All I want from you, if you're willing to give it, is until then. Just the few days until they reactivate my commission." Hoshi waited nervously for Jonathan's decision. 

"You'll be able to live with that? Having the few days, then nothing?" 

"I'll have to. I'd rather have that than spending the rest of my tour wondering what it would have been like to be with you. And hopefully I'll have your friendship." 

Jonathan looked at her for a short wile, then smiled. "I'm glad." Cupping her face in his hands, he brought her forward for a kiss. "The past few days I've been almost mad from wanting you." 

"The feeling has been entirely mutual," Hoshi murmured back, removing Jon's shirt. She smiled in delight at the sight of him, running her hands over his chest. Hoshi swiftly helped him remove the rest of his clothes, then pulled him down to the bed. 

"Hoshi. You still have your clothes on," Jonathan managed to get out as she explored his entire body with her hands and mouth. 

"I know." Straddling him, Hoshi leaned forward and kissed Jon, nibbling on his lip. Straightening up, she ran her hands over him. "You're so beautiful. . . ," she whispered, tracing the muscles on his chest and abdomen. 

"Hoshi. You're _still_ dressed." Jon ran his hands under her skirt. She swatted them away. 

Undoing the pin that allowed to her wear the too-large skirt, Hoshi unzipped and pulled the skirt over her head. The also-too-large blouse billowed around her. Untying the neck, the blouse followed the skirt. 

"Oh God, Hoshi. . . " Jonathan drank in the sight of her nude body. His hands went back up her thighs, up her torso to grab her shoulders and pull her down to him for a kiss. Sliding down her back, one hand gripped the curve of her bottom, the other wrapped around her waist; both holding on for dear life as the kiss intensified. Jon could feel himself drowning in the emotions this slip of a woman was causing. 

"I can't wait, Hoshi. . . " 

"Then don't. . . " 

* * * * * 

Senhora Perez shooed her giggling daughters away from the door. _Not my Capitão, indeed. . . _  
__

Mara 

* * * * *

The next morning, consciousness filtered slowly into Hoshi's brain, more a series of disconnected thoughts than anything coherent. An attempt to translate what she was feeling into words might look something like this: _warm...happy...mmm...again?_

Ahem. You get the idea. 

By the time the sun came through the window and brought her closer to consciousness, Jon was already awake. She blinked up at him and he kissed her forehead gently.

"Good morning," he said.

"Mmm. Morning to you, too. You're not a morning person, are you?" She frowned at his grin. "Because that could be grounds for kicking you out of bed. At least, making you go get my coffee."

"I don't think that will be a problem." Jon's grin got wider.

"Morning person or coffee?"

"Either one. I'm only a morning person because I've woken up with a beautiful woman, and I suspect the coffee will be arriving soon."

Wrapping the covers around her, she propped herself on her arm, and drew designs in his chest hair. "I hate to disappoint you, but this isn't exactly a hotel, I doubt room service will come if we call."

"Well, Senhora Perez tapped on the door a few minutes ago and I distinctly heard something that sounded like coffee. Over her daughters giggling, of course. Do they ever stop doing that?"

Hoshi groaned and buried her face in her pillow. "Good grief."

He rolled over and put his arm around her, his face against the back of her neck. She could feel his mouth moving against her skin as he hesitantly said, "Any regrets?"

She rolled over immediately. "No, no, of course not."

"Good." That easy grin that made her breath catch. He was leaning in for a kiss, when there was a tap at the door. His eyes closed for a second, obviously searching for patience.

Hoshi leaned up and gave him a quick peck on the lips before calling out, "Sim, Senhora Perez?" (Yes, Senhora Perez?)

"Apronte para o café?" (Ready for coffee?)

"Em um minuto." (In a minute.)

"Sou eu que perturbo o?" (Am I disturbing you?) 

Senhora Perez was trying to sound innocent, but failing miserably. _Probably trying to get a look at Jon with his shirt off. I don't know why she's disturbing us, I thought she was all in favor of this._

"Muito engraçado," (Very funny), Hoshi said, as she climbed over Jon to find some clothing to put on. He lay back watching her in amusement until she stage-whispered to him, "She'll come in whether you're dressed or not. Your choice."

That galvanized him and he managed to find enough of his clothing to cover his dignity before the Senhora bustled in, setting up enough coffee and breakfast to feed a horde. She settled them down with food and was halfway out the door before she turned. 

"Oh, Capitão?"

"Yes, Senhora?"

"There was a call for you," she said, frowning. "From your ship. You will contact them. But only after you eat." She nodded firmly and left, closing the door behind her. Her bearing showed exactly what she thought of duty calling at a time like this.

Jon and Hoshi stared at each other. __

Josephine 

"I'll see what my ship wants later. It couldn't have been too important, my communicator would have been beeping like mad." Archer held out the chair for Hoshi, dropping a kiss on her shoulder.

Hoshi smiled at him, wondering if he was just saying that for her sake. Digging in to her breakfast, or lunch, depending on the clock, she looked over at Archer.

"How is she coming along?"

"Enterprise? Pretty well, actually. I keep waiting for something to go wrong, but nothing has so far."

"Hmm. Wait and see. When something does happen, it'll be big."

Archer pointed his fork at her. "And if it does, I'll know who jinxed us."

"Darn. You've found me out." Hoshi smiled, and watched Archer eat. She couldn't stop staring at his hands. She remembered their strength, pulling her from the river, but they could be gentle too. Hoshi felt a thrill run through her at the memory of them caressing her skin.

"Hoshi."

"What?"

"Where were you?"

Cheeks flaming, Hoshi mumbled something noncommittal.

"Ah."

"You can stop grinning like that!"

Archer laughed and took hold of her hand, turning it over and kissing the palm. Hoshi felt her cheeks grow even redder.

"I'm done," he said, pushing his plate away. "I guess I should call the ship."

"I'm going to take a shower and get out of your way." Hoshi took the tray Archer had piled the dishes on and placed it outside the door. Trying hard not to look back at Jonathan, she went into the bathroom.

Letting the water run to get hot, Hoshi slowly pulled off her t-shirt and shorts. For some reason her mind kept going back to Jonathan and last night. Brushing the tangles out of her hair, she put it up in a twist and stepped under the spray.

Opening the note Senhora Perez had left on the table for him, Archer found that Trip was the one who had been trying to reach him. Opening a channel on his communicator, he called the ship.

"Howdy, Cap'n. Have much luck finding the Prof?"

"I found her, Trip. What's up?"

"Not much, jest wanted to give ya the weekly report. You convince her to come with us?"

"Professor Sato was reluctant at first, but she's coming."

"Turned on the charm, eh, Johnny?" Trip laughed.

"Hoshi Sato is a professional, Trip."

"Hmph. Rebuffed ya, huh. When ya coming back?"

"In a few days. You seem to be doing fine without me."

"Naw, ya jest don't want t' deal with th' Vulcans. Have fun, Jon! Trip out."

Putting the communicator away, Archer walked into the bathroom. He could see Hoshi's form through the curtain and hear her singing. Stripping off his clothes, Archer stepped in behind her. "Have room for one more in here?"

Gasping, Hoshi turned and lost her balance, falling against Jonathan. He pulled her close to stop her from dropping any further. "Are you alright?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, you startled me." Hoshi tried to step back, but Jonathan wouldn't let her go.

"No, it's my fault. I should have warned you." He was acutely aware of her body pressed against him, the curves he remembered from last night under his hands. "Were you done washing?" 

"Umm, no, not quite." Feeling Jon's arms relax, Hoshi stepped away. "I still have my back to do, then I'll be done."

"I'll help." Taking the cloth from her, Jon lathered it up and tuned Hoshi around. Starting at her shoulders, he worked his way down her back. Seeing Hoshi brace herself against the wall, he asked "Too hard?"

"No, it feels nice," she gasped, arching her back as Jonathan traced a finger down her spine. "Your turn." Taking the cloth and turning him around, Hoshi started scrubbing Jonathan's back.

__

Why grandma, what broad shoulders you have ... Hoshi got lost in the play of muscles in Jon's back as he also leaned a hand on the wall. The cloth roamed all over his back, down his waist ... "All done." She held out the washcloth as Jonathan turned around. 

"You forgot my front," he said with a grin.

Narrowing her eyes, Hoshi decided this man was not going to get the best of her. Lathering up the cloth, she started at his chest and worked her way down. Finishing at his feet, she looked up at him, an alluring smile on her face.

__

Dear Lord, he looks like a Greek god. It took all of Hoshi's self-possession not to melt into a puddle of want and desire as Jonathan pulled her to her feet, an unreadable expression on his face. All bets on Hoshi keeping her composure were off as Jonathan crushed her to him, his mouth descending to hers.

Jonathan hadn't really expected Hoshi to finish the job when he turned around and said 'You forgot my front', but his amusement turned to something else as she ran the washcloth over his chest, continuing to go lower, and lower ... He stared down at Hoshi as she finished washing him and then glanced up with a small, knowing smile. 

Looking down at this wet, naked, beautiful woman kneeling at his feet, something definitely primeval was aroused in Jonathan. He felt a million years worth of evolutionary testosterone rush through his body as he lifted Hoshi up and brought her to him. Jon wrapped his arms around her and kissed her with all the ferocity of a man staking a claim. 

"Mine, all mine..." he murmured, biting his way down her collarbone, lifting her up to straddle his waist. Jonathan kept Hoshi in his grip as he stepped out of the shower and into the bedroom. Letting go only to lay her down on the bed, Jon lifted himself up just enough to let his possessive gaze roam over Hoshi's body. 

Hoshi shivered at the fire in Jon's eyes. She had never had anyone look at her that way before. It was frightening and thrilling at the same time. It made her feel like she was the most desirable woman in the world. Reaching up, she pulled Jon's head down for another fervored kiss. Coming together, their passion flared and consumed the two of them as life continued outside their door. __

jyorraku 

* * * * * 

Sated and limp as a noodle, Hoshi rested her head on Jon's chest, listening contentedly as his heartbeat slowed to normal. His fingers were slowly threading through her damp hair, massaging her skull. She fought the urge to purr, but failed quite miserably. Beneath her, she could feel him laughing softly.

Cheep! Cheep!

It was his communicator. As he sat up, his eyes met hers, and the world beyond this room rushed in. She was to be Ensign Sato, and he Captain Archer, her commanding officer.

Silently, Hoshi wrapped the sheet around her and headed for the bathroom, closing the door with a soft click.

Jon's eyes trailed after her, unsure of what do say or what to do.

Cheep! His communicator insisted on his attention. He snapped it open.

"What is it?!" he asked, unable to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

"Jon, this is Admiral Forrest."

Archer immediately got out of bed and started to put his clothes back on as he answered, "Yes, Admiral?" For Forrest to call him, something must have gone wrong. Was it the Enterprise? Was it the Vulcans again?

"I'm afraid there's a bit of a situation. We need you back at HQ immediately."

Archer frowned, "What kind of a situation?" The admiral's voice was tense.

"I can't tell you over this channel. I'll have someone brief you when you get back."

"All right, I'll be on the next shuttle back. Archer out."

Dressed, Archer knocked lightly on the bathroom door.

"Yes?"

"I need to go back to Starfleet Headquarters."

There was a pause. Archer almost went for the doorknob when Hoshi replied diplomatically, "Have a safe trip back, Captain. I'll see you at the launch."

His fist clenched. This was not how he envisioned their separation. Yes, he knew that this was only temporary. Yes, he knew this couldn't continue once they were on the ship. But he never realized that it could actually _hurt_ this bad. The admiral's urgent call beckoned his sense of duty. Nothing was going to endanger his mission, his father's dream, and prevent Enterprise from being launched. Nothing. 

Not even his own heart.

He left without saying good bye.

* * * * *

"Tighten back your tongue," Hoshi instructed, and demonstrated again the Vulcan affricatives. Her students were captivated as they listened to her trill another impossible sequence of sounds.

She sensed him before she even saw him. Looking up, she saw him standing in the shade of a tree, watching her. Hoshi fought the urge to run to him, instead took measured steps, keeping her smile cool as she approached him. She kept her hands laced tightly behind her, fearing they'd reach out without her permission.

"Back so soon, Captain?"

His lips twitched at the slightly mocking tone in her "Captain." She was as beautiful as he remembered, his hands ached to touch her. But he couldn't. She had taken the first step to sever their relationship, all he needed to do was follow along. She was making it remarkably simple for him. And yet she was being difficult.

"I'm sorry, Captain, I owe it to these kids." 

Professional and cool, just the way she was before he met her. Almost as if what happened between them never occurred. He felt almost...angry that she could be so nonchalant. But once again, he reminded himself he needed her...expertise. He kept his tone smooth and his expression mild.

"I need someone with your ear."

Again, a refusal. He decided it was time for another thunderstorm. The recorder snapped on, and a bizarre series of words filled the air. Klingon. He watched with distinct pleasure as she cocked her head to listen more closely, her breathing slightly hitched.

He handed the recorder to her. And for a second she smiled, conceding to his winning hand. Without a second thought, he reached up to touch her soft lips, wanting to capture that smile.

With a sharp inhale, Hoshi backed away. The place he had touched burned. He was testing her control, she had to forget, forget the time they spent together in each other's arms. Her chin came up bravely, tilting back the tears that threatened to spill.

"I'll see you in two days, sir." With that, she turned and walked back to her students.

Archer watched as she disappeared into the trees. Hating his lack of control, he retraced his steps back to the parking lot, vowing to erase the memories of their time together.

* * * * * __

Josephine 

Staring at the view port, watching the stars go by, Jonathan Archer tried hard not to look at his Comm Officer. Thankfully, she was just outside his peripheral vision range.

__

Six months. Six months down; four years, six months to go. I don't know if I can make it that long. 

Working with Hoshi had been more difficult than he'd thought. He'd fallen, hard. They'd been professional in all their dealings together, but Archer had caught her staring at him with something in her eyes he couldn't quite read. He knew he had a hard time hiding the hunger he felt for her. Jon sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 

__

And tonight's her 'get to know you' dinner. That's gonna be rough. 

He had had an informal dinner individually with each officer, starting with most senior. Hoshi, being the most junior, was last.

Popping up out of his seat, Jonathan strode off. "I'll be in my ready room."

Looking up, Hoshi watched him walk away.

* * * * *

Pacing the wardroom that evening, Archer jumped slightly as the door chimed. "Come!" Thankfully, his voice didn't crack.

"Captain." Hoshi walked in and stood by the table.

"Hoshi. Please, sit down." After they were settled, he continued. "This is just a dinner to get to know each other better, and to let you know how you're doing do far." Archer saw a ghost of a smile on Hoshi's face as she looked down at the table. He knew she was remembering how well they already knew each other.

"Good. Dinner." The crewman brought in their plates and Hoshi and Archer began to eat. Archer kept the conversation light, talking about the different things the crew had seen and experienced since they left Earth. He couldn't help the longing he felt for her, though, watching her across from him. Her smile, her hands, the column of her throat... 

Jonathan had hoped that just being with her, just talking to her, just being able to look upon her without anyone wondering why he was staring would be enough. But it wasn't. It just left him wanting more. 

Forcing himself back to the conversation yet again, Jon realized they were done and the crewman was clearing the dishes away.

"This is the time I'd like to talk to you, to let you know how you're doing. I really have no complaints, Hoshi, you were ... skittish at first, but you have come into your own. Sub-Commander T'Pol and Lieutenant Reed were impressed with your work on the Klingon ship. I think you've the makings of a fine Star Fleet officer."

"Thank you, Captain."

"Well, unless you have any questions...?"

"No, I don't." They rose at the same time, walking to the door.

"Dinner was wonderful, thank you, Captain." Hoshi and Jon paused next to the door. Jon looked down at the slope of her cheek, watched her uniform rise and fall as her breath quickened. He remembered a phrase he asked Senhora Perez to teach him.

"Meu coração..." he whispered. (my heart)

Startled, Hoshi looked up to meet Archer's eyes, filled with desire and love.

"Jon...?"

Reaching for her, Archer pulled Hoshi in for a searing kiss. She paused a moment, then wrapped her arms around his neck.

Archer backed them up to the table, reaching out an arm to sweep off the vase of flowers that was gracing the middle. Picking her up, he set Hoshi on the table's edge. Archer kissed his way down her neck, his hand on the tab of her zipper. "Please?" he asked.

* * * * *

Thinking he heard breaking glass, Trip looked up from a technical manual he was reading toward the wardroom door. Not hearing anything else, he went back to his dinner.

* * * * *

Hoshi nodded, reaching for Jonathan's zipper. They swiftly peeled off each other's clothes, trying to stay in as much physical contact as possible. Finally getting Hoshi undressed, Archer lay her back on the table, gazing at the beautiful woman waiting for him. He was glad he had established he wasn't to be disturbed while doing the crew's reviews. 

"Don't make me wait any longer, Jon." Hoshi reached for him as he came to her, kissing any part of her he could reach.

Muffling her cries into his shoulder, Hoshi arched her back and bit down trying not to scream her release. The pain tipped Archer over the edge. Clenching his jaw in an attempt to also stay quiet, he leaned his head against Hoshi's. Breathing heavily, they looked at each other.

"Hoshi..." Uncertainty laced Archer's voice.

"Are you sorry?" She seemed to withdraw into herself.

"No! Never." Archer kissed her again. "I needed to be sure you wanted this too."

"Oh, trust me, I did." Hoshi pushed herself up. "But I think we went over our allotted time," she said with a grin.

Archer dressed, watching with regret as Hoshi's body disappeared under the layers of her uniform. Finished, they faced each other, once more Starfleet officers.

"Again, thank you for dinner, Captain."

"My pleasure, Ensign."

Archer turned, looking at the shattered vase on floor as Hoshi opened the door and walked out of the wardroom.

* * * * *

Back in his cabin, Archer was coming out of the shower when his door chimed. "Come!" he called out, wrapping a towel around his waist. Walking into the sitting room, he found Trip waiting for him.

"How'd the last of the reviews go, Cap'n?"

Turning toward him, Archer absently said "Fine, just fine." 

"What th'...? Where'd you get that, Cap'n?" Trip came closer to look at Archer's shoulder.

Jonathan glanced down and saw a definite ring of teeth marks in the beginnings of a purple-blue bruise.

Trip looked from the mark, to Jon, to the mark, then back to Jon. Amazement dawned on his face as he put two and two together.

"HOSHI?!?" 

Archer sighed and grabbed a t-shirt and boxers.

"You're screwing around with Hoshi?!?"

From the thunderous look on Archer's face, Trip knew he'd made a mistake.

"You will NEVER speak of Ensign Sato that way again." 

Pausing, Archer continued. "_Professor_ Sato and I became...close during our stay in Brazil. We knew that once her commission was activated, the relationship would end. But after six months of having her so close..." Archer roughly pulled on his shirt and boxers. "It's not just her body I want; I can't share things with her the way I want to, I can't just _be_ with her."

"You got it bad, don't cha?"

"Yes, I think I do." Archer met Trip's sympathetic gaze. "This goes no further, Commander."

"Understood, Cap'n. I won't say a word."

--continued in part 2-- 


	2. Love, Loyalty, and Duty

Title: Somewhere In the Night 2/3  
Author: Jyorraku, Josephine, Chrysa, Didi, Mara, JustVisiting, Catseye  
E-Mail: For contact info, check the Linguistics Database Forum: .

__

JustVisiting 

* * * * *

She had miscalculated.

Day after day, she sat at her station. His voice filled her ears each time he spoke, making her shiver slightly each time. The lower tones reverberated in her mind. The mere sound made her want to weep at her loss. No more time with Jonathan Archer. Her captain.

She was alone.

How long could she maintain the veneer of professionalism? Since her review dinner with him, he had adopted the kindly attitude of a mentor. She recognized that tone, that look. As a professor, she had used them to distance herself from her students. _And now, I am the student_, she thought. _Ensign Sato_.

During the day, she kept a tight rein on her emotions. She could not afford to wallow in her misery nor did she have the time. New languages and new cultures kept her busy. It was easy to fill her time with work. She surrounded herself with the friends she had made on board the ship. She could imagine that she was happy.

But at night, she would lay awake in her bed. She knew every rivet in the ceiling by heart. Sometimes, long into the sleep cycle, she would indulge in her memories. She knew better than to obsess but, if she tried hard enough, she could feel the touch of his hand smoothing her skin. Her nerves tingling, she could imagine the smell of him, the weight of his body on hers. The warmth of his breath as he nibbled on her skin as if feasting for the first time. In her mind, she replayed each precious moment.

She would end up in the shower, leaning her forehead against the wall. Water streamed down in rivulets, caressing her. With her eyes closed, she could imagine Jonathan standing behind her. Feel his hands on her body. She had always had a vivid imagination. In the end, her tears would mingle with the water and she would go to bed exhausted.

Her longing went beyond her physical attraction to him. She missed being held. She had loved entwining their fingers, studying how his hand dwarfed hers. She missed waking up together, basking in his warmth and in his love. His gentle smile as she bent over him, her hair swinging about his face. His laughter and the spark in his eyes that was meant only for her.

Love? Was it love that bound her to her sorrow? She no longer knew. He wore his captain's mask so well that she began to doubt their time together. Had he really cared about her at all? Her heart numb, she threw all her energy into her work. Sometimes, she caught Trip glancing at her sympathetically. As Jonathan's friend, did he know?

She sighed as she slid into her bed after a long day spent translating. It had been seven months since leaving earth. One month since...

Hoshi rolled over, dragging her blankets over her head. Her hand smoothed a spot beside her. She clenched her fist and shut her eyes tightly. _I will not cry. Not again_. Against her will, she splayed her hand over the mattress. _He should be here. Here with me_.

A lone tear escaped her closed eyes. _I miss him_.

* * * * * __

Josephine 

Hoshi walked down the corridor, wondering what she was supposed to be doing. The growling of her stomach reminded her it had been awhile since she last ate. _How long ago was that?_

Sighing, Hoshi walked into the mess hall. Working on the Zwinjnen language had consumed every moment she had. _At least it keeps me from thinking about him._

Even that passing thought was enough to bring back the memories. Hoshi let them come, not having the mental strength right now to keep them at bay. She shuffled through the line, picking out food at random. 

"Hoshi."

__

God, I'm in sorry shape. His voice sounds so real.

"Hoshi."

Tears pricked her eyes as she imagined his hand touching her. _I can't go on like this. It's too much ..._

"Hoshi!"

Feeling herself spun around, Hoshi looked up to see Jonathan's worried face before she lost consciousness.

Jonathan caught her as she fell, picking her up in his arms. "Trip! Call Phlox and tell him I'm bring Hoshi to sickbay!" His voice seemed loud in the silent room, the crew going silent as they saw Hoshi collapse.

Striding down the corridors, trying not to jostle Hoshi, Jon looked down at her pale face. He knew she had been pushing herself with the Zwinjnen language; Star Fleet really wanted the dilithium the planet was rich in. _Damn crystals aren't worth your life, Hoshi._

Phlox was waiting by the open doors to sickbay. "Right over here, Captain. What happened?" Taking up his instruments, the doctor began looking at Hoshi.

"Trip and I were on our way to lunch when we saw Hoshi walking like she was in a daze. We followed her into the mess hall, when I called to her she didn't answer. I turned her to look at me, and she fainted."

"Hmm."

"Well?"

Looking at Archer, Phlox's face was stern. "Dehydration, slight malnutrition, and exhaustion. No wonder she fainted. What have you been doing to her?"

__

Ignoring her. Archer felt his chest tighten at Phlox's diagnosis. "She's been working on translating a particularly difficult language that Star Fleet put a priority one on."

"Hmph. Nothing is worth running a crew member into the ground, Captain."

"I know."

Phlox looked at Archer, perhaps seeing more than he was supposed to.

"Ensign Sato will stay here for awhile. No visitors. She needs rest, and to build up her strength. I'll keep you informed of the progress." Phlox stared at Archer until he nodded, reluctantly forced from sickbay.

The rest of the day passed slowly for Archer, spending most of it in his ready room. He tried to work, but thoughts of Hoshi kept surfacing. Giving up, he went to his cabin.

Almost against his will he moved to his computer, pulling up Hoshi's Star Fleet file with her picture. It was taken right after her commission had been officially reactivated. She was looking at the camera, but not seeing it, an impassive expression on her face. Jon knew that look. He wore it often. But not right now.

Throwing himself down on his bunk, Jon let the memories of Hoshi in, welcoming them for once. He remembered everything; from the day they met to seeing her lying pale in sickbay. His mind dwelled on the three months since her review.

Jon spent the night of that fateful dinner awake, longing for Hoshi even more. He had thought that being with her one more time would help get rid of the demons, but it just fed them. It was a fresh reminder of what he didn't have, couldn't have. 

__

I can't go on like this. It's too much, having her so close .. It was the next day that Jon started to withdraw from Hoshi, treating her with reserve. It was stressful; he had to watch himself constantly lest he slip and smile at her, touch her...

Trip noticed Jonathan's hardening toward Hoshi; he tried to talk to him a few times about it, but Jon brushed him off. Jon couldn't examine the why and wherefores of his actions, he was on autopilot in regards to her, anything else and he would go mad.

Unfortunately, Jon's refusal to deal with his feelings for Hoshi caused them to come out in his subconscious. His dreams were filled with her, ranging from the innocuous to the bluntly erotic. But no matter what they entailed, Jon always woke up with a vague disquiet, half-remembered images of Hoshi in his head.

Sometime in the middle of the night Jonathan was awaked by a call from Phlox. "I'd like you to come to sickbay, Captain, as soon as possible."

"What is it? What wrong with Hoshi?"

"The Ensign is...fine, Captain; but I need you to come quickly."

Not bothering to put anything over his boxers and t-shirt, Jon sprinted down the corridors to sickbay. Coming through the door, he could see Hoshi in the bed behind the curtains; Phlox standing by with a concerned look on his face.

In contrast to his flight to get here, Jon slowly walked up to the bed. He could hear Hoshi talking in her sleep.

"Need you, Jon...it's too much...not strong enough..." Anguish threaded Hoshi's voice and marred her face.

Phlox looked up at Jonathan. "She has been talking in her sleep for quite some time now. Do you and Ensign Sato have a history together, Captain?" 

Jon closed his eyes in pain. "Yes."

Phlox waited.

"We became lovers when I went to ask her to join the crew. We knew what would happen when we got back to the ship; we thought we could handle it."

"Mmm, Jon...missed you so..." A smile transformed Hoshi at the sound of Jon's voice, she rubbed her cheek against the pillow.

"Will she wake up?"

"No, I've given her something to sleep. She'll be under a while."

Jon laced his fingers with Hoshi's, smoothing back her hair. Hoshi pulled their hands to her chest and quieted.

"You do realize, Captain, her performance ratings have been declining for the past two months?" 

"No, I hadn't." Jon's heart constricted at the thought of what Hoshi had been going through.

"Your work has suffered too, hasn't it? The situation you are in, Captain, cannot continue. Ensign Sato has been working herself to the breaking point trying to ignore her feelings, and you withdraw into yourself. I've had a few crewmen in, concerned about you."

"I'm her commanding officer, Phlox, there is no way we can have a relationship other than that."

"We are out in deep space, Captain, regulations that worked for other ships will not work here." Phlox sighed. "I have no answers for you, this is something you two will have to face yourselves. You cannot hide any longer." 

Walking off, Phlox brought back a chair for Jon, then left. Sitting, watching Hoshi, Jon felt the frustrations of the past three months come to the surface.

__

This ship has been my whole life. I promised nothing would stop me from fulfilling my father's dream of getting Enterprise into space. Does that include sacrificing my own happiness? My own chance at the family my father had? Would he have traded us to see Enterprise launched? I could give up the chance at a family if it was just me, but I'm hurting another person with my decision. Jon reached out to stroke Hoshi's cheek. Smiling again, she turned toward his hand. _Do I want to give up the chance for a family?_

Jon lay his head down, listening to the sound of Hoshi breathing mixed with Enterprise's warp engines.

__

How can I leave her? 

* * * * * __

Mara 

The bed didn't feel right, and she shifted uncomfortably, trying to remember falling asleep.

"Hoshi?" a voice called quietly.

She froze. _I'm hallucinating his voice. Wait, I remember something about that._

"Hoshi, I know you're awake. Please let me know you're okay." The voice was starting to sound desperate. "If...if you don't want to talk to me, I'll go get the doctor."

Her eyes shot open. "Jon?"

He was leaning over her, and the look of relief on his face made her want to cry. "How are you feeling?"

She looked around her. _Sickbay?_ "What happened?"

His face tightened. "You collapsed in the mess hall. Dehydration, malnutrition, and exhaustion according to the doctor. What the hell did you think you were doing?"

She struggled to sit upright and he stepped back. "Trying to do my **job**, **Captain**." 

"When did the **job** become more important than your health?"

"When the job became all I have." She dropped back on the bed and turned her face away from him, shaking from the exertion and the emotions.

"Captain!" Dr. Phlox sounded annoyed as he bustled into the curtained area. "I did not allow you to stay with Ensign Sato in order to give her a lecture and upset her further."

Hoshi closed her eyes as she heard Jon say, "You're right. I should go." She refused to give in to the tears.

Phlox made an untranslatable noise, a sort of alien combination of a snort and a sigh. "Captain. That is not what I said." A pause, and Hoshi suspected they were both looking at her, but she couldn't force herself to open her eyes and look at them. "Have you thought about what I told you earlier?" Phlox asked.

"Yes," Jon said slowly, "but I'm not any closer to an answer."

"Then perhaps, and I know this is a radical notion, perhaps you should discuss this problem with Ensign Sato."

She heard Phlox shuffle out, and she swallowed as she sensed Jon coming nearer.

He gently took her hand. "Dr. Phlox is right. We need to talk."

She turned her head and looked up at him, feeling bewildered and confused and tired. Her mind swam with all the emotions of the last months, all the problems they faced, the lack of an obvious solution. 

She held his hand like a lifeline and tried to articulate what she was thinking. She looked at him for a long moment.

"Jon, why aren't you wearing any pants?" __

JustVisiting 

Jonathan looked down at his bare legs, unable to suppress a smile. He did look funny standing in sickbay with only boxers and a T-shirt on. He glanced back at Hoshi's pale face and sighed. _I have been an ass_, he thought. _Worse, I've been an ass to someone I care about_.

Hoshi stared back, her eyes unusually dark. Her pupils were dilated and her breathing seemed erratic. "Captain..."

"Jon," said Jonathan, interrupting. He stifled a groan of dismay as Hoshi retreated further under the blankets. _I have been a selfish ass_, he thought fiercely.

"Yes, you have," said Hoshi, her tone emphatic. She coughed lightly.

Jonathan was by her side in a flash. He lay his hand over hers. "I guess I was thinking out loud just then."

Hoshi slipped her hands away from his. "Loud enough." She closed her eyes with a sigh.

He studied her face. She had lost weight. Her cheeks cut a stronger angle, even under the dim lights. _My fault_, he thought, careful not to voice his words aloud.

"It's not your fault," said Hoshi, as if reading his mind. Her voice was soft and low. Jonathan had to strain to catch her words. "Not entirely. I should've known. I did know. Silly of me not to foresee this. I guess I didn't want to imagine it." She shifted to her side, turning her back to him.

Jonathan reached out to touch her on the shoulder, then hesitated. He knew she did not want his pity. He dropped his hand to his side. "Hoshi." There was no response. "Hoshi, if I could do this over..."

"What would you do, Captain?"

He winced then. Her neutral tone hurt as much as if she had been crying. "Hoshi, I'm not sure." He stared at the display above her head. "I don't regret what we did, but I do regret what this has led to. Especially for you."

The silence seemed to stretch forever.

He took a deep breath. The ball was still in his court. "I take responsibility for this, Hoshi. I knew. I've been in Starfleet all my life. I knew. A relationship like this can only end up hurting both parties, especially the one with the lower rank."

"That would be me then," said Hoshi, her voice quiet.

Jonathan waited, but she seemed to withdraw once again. "It hurts me too. I know I haven't shown it, but it hurts me too. I wish..."

"Wishes won't do anything," she said. She twisted around again. Wisps of hair lay askew around her face.

He resisted the urge to smooth the strands back into place.

"We're both adults here," she said. "I knew as much as you what the consequences could be. Would be." She ran her hands over the blanket. "So don't stand there sounding so noble, so sacrificing. I don't think I can stand it." She stared down at her hands, then up again.

"It's all right, Captain. I understand. I've been stupid. Stupid to let this affect me so badly." She laughed, a shaky sound. "I haven't done this to myself since I was a teenager."

"You're no teenager," he said, his voice more intense than he had intended.

She ran a hand through her hair, pulling the stray strands away from her face. "No, but that was only six or seven years ago for me. What were you doing then?"

__

Being a Commander, he thought with a start. He had not considered the difference in their ages before. Hoshi's stellar reputation as a linguist was one that normally took decades to acquire. He had been thinking of her as a peer. _Damn, she's really just a kid_.

"Don't you look at me like that," she said, her expression suddenly fierce. "Don't you do that to me."

"Do what," asked Jonathan. Was she a mind reader as well?

"That look. I know that look. The one that says 'she's just a kid.'"

__

She is a mind reader, thought Jonathan.

"Don't ever confuse age with maturity," she continued. "Take me for what I am. Not for how old I happen to be."

"Then why did you bring it up," he asked, his tone neutral.

"I didn't mean to. It doesn't mean anything to me. But I've finally realized how colossally stupid I've been. To work myself into sickbay." She gave a delicate snort. "Almost like reverting back to those times."

"You're being harsh on yourself, Hoshi. I can't say I've been behaving with any maturity either." He ran a hand through his hair, trying to organize his thoughts. "Avoidance never works. Especially on a small ship." He gave her an apologetic look. "I should've sat down with you and hashed this out long time ago."

Hoshi sighed. "It works both ways, Captain. I should've insisted on that too."

He gazed at her in silence. "So we're agreed then," he said, finally. "We're both to blame."

Surprisingly, her lips quirked upwards. "Should we lash ourselves with wet noodles now?"

Jonathan laughed once. He had missed her sense of humor. "I think Chef might object to the waste of food."

"Oh, I don't know. I can think of a few uses," Hoshi said airily.

He blinked.

"Sorry, Captain," she said instantly. "I've put you in a bad spot, haven't I."

"We've agreed we're equally to blame."

"Then what's next?"

Jonathan glanced away.

"If you're not going to say it, then I will," said Hoshi. "Friendship. That's what you were going to say, isn't it?"

He looked at her again. She seemed to steel herself for his answer. He lay a hand gently on her shoulder. "Yes, Hoshi. Friendship. That's all we can be. For now."

She sat silently, then lifted a hand to cover his. "Okay, Jonathan. We play by Starfleet rules then."

"It's all we can do," he said. He felt her hand slide away.

"So we start over."

"Yes," he said. _This is not going to be easy_, he thought. Even now, he wanted to pull her into his arms, to hold her close.

"All right," she said. Folding the blanket down to her waist, she looked back up at him. "If it's the only way."

Jonathan could not think of another solution. "It is," he said quietly.

She folded her hands together. "Very well. I'm Hoshi Sato. Ensign Sato." She waited, her expression serene.

"Nice to meet you, Ensign. I'm Jonathan Archer. Captain Archer."

"Captain."

"Ensign."

There was a moment of silence.

"I hope we don't have to spend the entire journey calling each other by our titles," she said, finally.

"No," he agreed. His heart felt heavy at the thought. 

"But no man is worth getting this sick over."

Jonathan felt both his eyebrows rising. I_s she letting go? Giving up?_

She glanced up at him with a serious expression. "I don't know why I did that to myself." She narrowed her eyes, staring at the ceiling thoughtfully. "I guess I wasn't thinking very clearly."

__

How can she work herself into this state and then give it up so easily? Strangely, he felt betrayed. _This is what she must've felt_, he thought.

"But then, neither are you," she said. She leaned over the side of her bed and swept a glance from his feet to his head. One eyebrow rose delicately. "You do realize, Captain, that you're out of uniform?" She settled back. "How do you propose on explaining that attire to the rest of your crew?"

He glanced at the sickbay chronometer. Alpha shift was about to start. His shift. He heard Hoshi chuckle. "You know," he said slowly. "I don't have the foggiest clue." He smiled down at her. His heart lurched when she smiled back.

"Go back to sleep, Hoshi," he said gently. "We can talk later."

She nodded and closed her eyes, looking peaceful at last.

He waited until she fell back asleep, then turned away. At the doors, he paused. Beyond the glass, he saw crew members walk by. He glanced down at his boxers and grimaced. Bracing himself for the inevitable, he opened the doors and stepped into the corridor.

"Captain," said a familiar drawl. "What the hell are you doing in skivvies?" __

jyorraku 

Hoshi heard Trip's incredulous exclamation as the doors to sickbay closed. She could hear the footsteps taking Jonathon and Trip away from sickbay. It was quiet again, Dr. Phlox still wandering around out there, probably getting a bite to eat. With her eyes closed, she could still feel the white and sterile atmosphere of sickbay all around her. Taking a deep breath, she held it there. A few seconds later, her natural inclination was to exhale. To exhale in order to inhale again. Her lungs were aching in protest, but she held on. Held on until she felt blackness closing in around her.

Exhale. 

Inhale.

Air rushed back into her lungs, sweet and precious. Her heart wasn't in pieces. It pounded steadily in her chest, merely tired from the exertion. She didn't break, though she knew she came close. Recalling the events that brought her to sickbay, she realized how absurd it was to revolve her world around a man when the universe and all its wonders were still out there. She'd worked so hard to get here, the nights that she stayed home to listen to recordings instead of being out with her friends, the birthdays she missed while touring with some obscure tribe at some remote corner of the Earth. Everything she'd ever done, she almost recklessly gave it away to someone who already had too much to carry. Captain Jonathan Archer, the first deep space explorer, out here to fulfill his father's dream and his own destiny. 

She did love him, she realized that now. It wasn't just stupidity that drove her to collapse during his absence. It was the haunting illusions of happiness and love that drove her misery. Happiness that was, in real life, fleeting like words, spoken one minute, gone the next. Now all she could do was store the memory in the back of her mind, treasured but no longer vivid. Jonathan Archer, just two more words to remember and to forget. No one ever said it would be simple. She inhaled again. Then again, maybe it was. No matter who he was, he could not be more necessary to her life than air.

__

So for now, just breathe. Hoshi smiled to herself as she drifted off to sleep. _I think I can do that._

* * * * * __

Josephine 

"Captain, a call coming in from Admiral Forrest."

"Thank you, Ensign, I'll take it in my ready room." 

Walking into his office, Archer wondered what Forrest wanted. Thumbing on the screen, the Admiral's face came into view.

"Archer. How are you?"

"Fine sir. And yourself?"

"Fine, fine. I wanted to talk to you about your upcoming year-end reviews."

Archer automatically became wary. 

"Everyone looks good, within the norms for a tour we had no idea what would happen on, except one."

Archer knew whom Forrest meant. He had noticed it too, had hoped the talk they had a month and a half ago would have helped, but ... Archer brought himself back to the conversation with the Admiral.

"Your Comm. Officer, Ensign Sato; her performance ratings have been erratic. They were well above the norm the first few months, then took a nose dive at the six month mark, and have come up, but not steadily. What's going on?"

"Star Fleet has never really addressed the issue of...long term inter-departmental relationships on deep space vessels, especially the Enterprise. Have they given any more thought to it?"

"Are you saying that Ensign Sato has fallen in love with another officer?"

"Yes."

"Does he, or she, return the Ensign's regard?"

"Yes."

"We have been trying to come up with protocol for ships such as yours; if the relationship doesn't interfere with their duties, there shouldn't be a problem."

"It's not as easy as that." Archer looked at Forrest.

The Admiral leaned back in his chair. "It's you, isn't it?"

Archer took a deep breath. "Yes." 

"You started a relationship with someone under your command?"

"It started when I went to convince her to come aboard Enterprise. We knew we couldn't have a relationship once she became active, but we didn't count on..."

"Falling in love." 

"Yes."

"I don't know what to say, Jon. If it were anyone else, hell, even Commander Tucker, I'd say have at it. But as the Captain...on the other hand from what the psychologists tell us, it would be unhealthy for you, or anyone, **not** to form romantic attachments while you're out there. Apparently, humans **need** relationships like that." Forrest sighed.

"I'm going to have to refer this to the head of Star Fleet Psychology, Jon. He'll probably want to talk to you and Ensign Sato. And you can tell the rest of your crew that they can start dating, even within the chain-of-command, as long as it doesn't affect their job performance. But not between enlisted and officer. That's one thing the head honchos wouldn't budge on. I'll have Admiral Elpers contact you later. Forrest out."

Archer looked at the blank screen, not wanting to let himself hope that he could have something more with Hoshi than the tenuous 'friendship' they'd had for the past six weeks. He still dreamt of her, still woke up expecting her to be next to him. But it was a dull ache, one he could put to the back of his mind while he went about his duties.

He hoped Admiral Elpers wouldn't take long. __

jyorraku 

* * * * * 

"Captain, you wanted to see me?" 

Hoshi approached Archer's desk as she entered his ready room.

Jon studied his communications officer for a brief moment. The lines of fatigue were gone. Her eyes no longer wary, her cheeks no longer hollow. She looked at him expectantly, passively. As would an officer waiting for her next assignment from a superior officer. Nothing to give away that she felt anything other than duty upon stepping into his ready room.

What was he to feel now? Relieved? Hurt? Angry? Relieved that she was able to block out all that happened between them? Hurt that he could no longer see himself in her eyes? Angry that she was making it seem so easy?

"Sir?" Hoshi tilted her head questioningly, her neck arching in a graceful curve. 

Archer blinked and clenched his jaw.

"I'd like this report to go out shipwide through the personnel channels," Archer ordered, keeping his voice even as he handed a padd to her.

Taking the padd swiftly from his hand, she perused its contents. When she finished, she looked back up at him with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I'll get on it right away, sir."

She was almost to the door when he spoke.

"You're not going to say anything?"

Hoshi turned around slowly and glanced at him curiously as she inhaled, "What would you like me to say, sir?"

On his lap, his fist clenched at her placid question. If that was the way it had to be... "I would like to hear your personal thoughts, Ensign, if it's not too much trouble, about Starfleet's new interpersonnel relationship protocols. The same protocols you have in your hand." __

Josephine 

"I'm sure the crew will be happy to know about the revised regulations." Hoshi looked at him blandly.

Archer's chest tightened at the apparent lack of interest Hoshi had in the new rules. _Maybe she's just protecting herself again..._

"Thank you, Ensign. That is all." Jon watched Hoshi leave his ready room. He hoped again that Admiral Elpers would get back to him soon.

The effect the new regulations had on the crew was immediate; Archer could tell as soon as he walked in the mess hall that evening. More than three-quarters of the tables were couples only. Chef had even outdone himself with the menu.

Striding to the wardroom, Archer nearly stopped dead at the sight of Hoshi and a Lieutenant at a corner table. She was listening intently at something the crewman was saying, then laughed aloud, a beatific smile gracing her face.

__

That smile...Jon resolutely continued on, passing through the wardroom door with a barely discernable scowl on his face. He sat down and looked around at the table. "Just us tonight?"

T'Pol looked up from her salad. "Yes. Commander Tucker and Lieutenant Reed have 'dates'." Archer could swear the last word had an inflection of distaste to it.

"And Vulcans on deep space exploration ships don't 'date'?"

"No. Either bonded couples serve on the same ship, or the entire crew is on the same cycle and the ship goes back to Vulcan every seven years. Otherwise, they are celibate, controlling their base desires."

"I'm envious," Archer said in an undertone. T'Pol raised an eyebrow, but as Archer didn't elaborate, the rest of the meal was finished in silence.

The next few days saw Hoshi having lunch and dinner, even breakfast, with a string of different crewmen. Jon noticed there was one particular Lieutenant j.g. that she saw a lot of. A great deal of, in fact.

He had felt many things in this relationship with Hoshi, it had run the gamut from joy to despair, but there was one emotion Jon hadn't touched on and was just beginning to feel: jealousy.

__

When is that damn Admiral going to call? __

Chrysa 

* * * * *

Apparently, it would be sooner than he thought. It was early the next day when the call came through. 

Admiral James Elpers brushed a hand through his salt-and-pepper hair and sat back in his chair. "Good morning, Captain Archer. I hear you decided to keep my team and I up late by falling in love with your comm officer." He smiled gently, projecting a sense of calm. 

Jon smiled ruefully. "Life doesn't always go quite as you expected."

Elpers nodded in understanding. "Well, we have been discussing it. It wouldn't be healthy for you _not_ to become involved with someone given the duration of your mission and the distance you'll be away from home."

Jon smiled. "That's good to know."

"But-"

"How did I know you were going to say that?"

Elpers chuckled. "Because there's always a 'but'. For you it's more difficult because everybody is your subordinate. The lines have to be clearly drawn on your work life and your personal life. The two of you will be closely watched by your crew and us here at Starfleet. You can't be seen to show Ensign Sato favoritism. Reviews of any sort will have to be done by another officer."

"Sounds all right so far." Jon said slowly mulling it over. Reviews were easy. Trip, T'Pol, or even Reed could do those. 

"There's also the...stigma of being the 'captain's woman.' Depending on how your crew reacts to the idea of the two of you dating she may be in for a rough time." Before Archer could respond to that Elpers said something else. "And of course there is the death issue."

An eyebrow went up. "Death issue?"

All the humor drained out of Elpers face. "As Ensign Sato's captain, would you, if the need arose, be able to order her to her death?" __

jyorraku 

Archer looked down for a brief moment, and when he returned his eyes to the Admiral, his eyes were hard and unflinching. "I won't endanger our mission, Admiral. I'll do whatever it takes."

Elpers nodded. "Hopefully it won't come to that, Captain," Elpers replied gently, satisfied with Archer's response. "Good luck, Captain. I'm sure you'll agree where women come in, luck is needed on all sides."

Archer thought about Hoshi and that lieutenant, eating dinner and laughing in the mess hall. He gave the Admiral a tight smile. "Thank you, Admiral. I appreciate it."

The screen blinked out, leaving Archer to the overwhelming silence of his ready room. He hadn't really given the Admiral a straight answer, he realized. Would he be able to order Hoshi to her death? Or for that matter, anyone else on the ship? He'd never had the chance to do so in his previous stations. Along with the promotion to Captain came that ultimate responsibility. He knew how to give Starfleet the textbook answers, but when push came to shove, would he do it?

He buried his head in his hands, feeling the jumble of emotions from the past few days churning within him. His shoulders ached with the burden of responsibilities, expectations, and dreams. Yet he could almost feel Hoshi's hands sliding across them, soothing him with her melodious voice, making him forget that he was Captain of the Enterprise. In her gentle embrace, he was just Jonathan Archer, a man that she loved. 

Did she love him? Did she still? He wasn't sure anymore, and he found that to be more frightening than anything the universe could possibly throw at him. His temples ached as he remembered each and every single one of Hoshi's smiles that was not meant for him. 

__

What if it was too late? __

Mara 

Archer shook his head. _If I'm going to think like that, I might as well give up now, and then I'll have kept the Admiral and his staff up at night for nothing. For the moment, I *have* to believe she still has feelings for me. If not, well, I'll burn that bridge when I come to it._

The question remained: what to do now? 

Call her to the ready room and announce "The Admiral says it's okay"? Too pushy.

Send her a note? Too impersonal.

Announce it at a staff meeting as an addendum to the previous regulations? Absolutely not.

He scrubbed his face with his hands. _I can't just sweep her off her feet and carry her to my cabin. As tempting as that thought is._ He groaned at the images his overtired brain brought forth.

Pacing the cabin, he pondered. _I can't burst into her cabin and announce it. But I can't just send her updated regulations either. There has to be some kind of in-between here._

He stopped in his tracks, staring blindly at the pictures of ships on the wall in front of him. _In-between...go-between. Maybe I could talk to Trip and he could talk to her. That way I wouldn't be there to pressure her, but it wouldn't be so impersonal. Hell, he's been trying to get me to talk about Hoshi for weeks. He'll be thrilled to be able to get involved._

Archer examined the plan from several angles, wincing at a few major flaws. _But it's still the best plan I've got, and I didn't become Captain of the Enterprise because I was timid. Waiting isn't going to make this any easier._

He punched the comm system savagely, "Archer to Tucker."

"Tucker here. What can I do ya for, Cap'n?"

"Can you meet me in my ready room?"

"Is there something wrong?"

"No, no, not wrong. I just need to talk to you. It's personal, not ship business."

"Okay, be there as soon as I can."

* * * * *

Trip leaned back in the chair and studied his Captain and his friend. "So, what you're telling me is that Starfleet says it's okay to go ahead, but you're not sure how she feels."

Archer was staring out the porthole at the stars. His voice was pained as he said, "Yes. A few weeks ago, hell, even a few days ago, I would have said without any hesitation that I knew how she felt about me. But now..." He trailed off.

Trip leaned forward. "We've both seen her with various other members of the crew."

Archer nodded.

"You're afraid she's moved on."

"And if she has, I can't insist she relive all the pain she went through."

Trip's heart lurched at the sound of the pain in his friend's voice. "To repeat what I said before, you've got it bad."

Archer nodded again.

"And you want me to go talk to her, tell her what Starfleet has said. Plead your case?"

"No. Yes. I don't know." Archer turned his chair back around. "I need to find a way to tell her that doesn't pressure her, but isn't impersonal either. You're my friend, Trip. She knows that, and she'll know what I'm saying by sending you."

"She will?"

"She will."

Trip studied the Captain, seeing the signs of little sleep and a lot of stress. "How long have you been waitin' for this message from Starfleet?"

"Too long. Will you do it?"

"We've been friends for a long time. Did you doubt I'd help my buddy in his time of need?"

Archer smiled the first genuine smile Trip had seen on his face in a long time. "No, I don't think I did." __

Josephine 

* * * * *

"Hey, Hosh, can I talk to you a minute?" Trip walked up to Hoshi, finding her eating alone for once.

"Sure, Trip, sit down."

Trip set his tray on the table, then slid into a chair. He poked at his food for a moment, trying to find the right words.

"Well?" He looked up, meeting Hoshi's expectant gaze.

"So it's pretty neat that Star Fleet relaxed the regulations for fraternizin' between officers, since we're on a deep space mission." He glanced obliquely at her, trying to gauge her reaction.

"Yes, it's opened up a lot of friendships."

Trip thought of the Lieutenant j.g. Hoshi had been seen with. "Yeah, it sure has." A worried frown flitted across his face. He sat in silence, thinking.

"Trip? ...did you want to ask me on a date?"

Trip stared at her, almost in shock. "No! No, I didn't," he blurted out.

Hoshi sat back, affronted. 

__

Aw, hell ... Trip tried to recover. "You know, they relaxed the regs about the Cap'n datin' members of the crew too ..." His voice trailed off as Hoshi's face hardened. 

"Did he send you here or are you doing this on your own?" Hoshi's voice was deceptively soft.

"The Cap'n ... I mean, Jon asked me to talk to you to see how you still felt about him, he hoped ..."

Hoshi leaned forward. "You tell the *Captain* that if he wants to know how I feel about him, he needs to do it himself, instead of acting like he's thirteen and sending his best friend in to do the job for him!" She stood up, still glaring at Trip. She started to say something else, then stopped herself, turning and almost running out of the mess hall.

Trip just stared after her, realizing he had royally screwed up his friend's chances on winning back the woman he loved. He held on to two pieces of hope, though, Hoshi wouldn't have been so mad if she didn't somehow care, and neither would she have been so close to tears as she ran out. 

* * * * *

Hoshi slowed her run to a fast walk once outside the mess hall, trying to get her emotions under control. _So he can date now ..._

"T'Pol to Ensign Sato."

"Sato here."

"You have a call from Starfleet, Ensign. Admiral Elpers."

"I'll be right there." _Admiral who? What does he want with me?_ __

catseye 

Hoshi swore softly in several languages as she made her way to the bridge. As she stepped off the turbolift she saw Jon swivel around in his chair to look intensely at her. Her step faltered for a moment before she made her way towards the Captain's ready room.

Archer watched, knowing that Admiral Elpers and possibly his future with Hoshi rested behind the closed door of his ready room.

Hoshi took a moment to gather herself, inhaling deeply several times. She seated herself behind Archer's desk, her toes just barely grazing the floor as she sat in his large chair. Her hands skimmed the arms, imagining they were Jon's arms beneath her fingers and not the cool leather of the chair.

She straightened her back and hit the button to the comm channel.

Admiral Elpers' face filled the screen.

"Ensign Sato," the man greeted Hoshi.

"Admiral," she replied, matching the man's even and cool tone.

"Captain Archer has informed the crew on Enterprise regarding the new fraternization policy issued by Starfleet?"

"Yes, sir."

"And did Captain Archer also inform you that the policy has been extended to himself?"

Hoshi remembered the debacle in the mess hall with Trip minutes early and gave a curt nod. "I am aware of that, sir."

Elpers glanced sharply at the young woman. "Captain Archer also informs me that he has...formed an attachment to a member of his crew."

Hoshi did not reply, but merely waited.

"Ensign Sato, I'm not going to pussy-foot around. Let me be blunt. I am aware that you and Jonathan Archer had a relationship prior to your entry into Starfleet. I am also aware that he still harbors feelings, extremely deep feelings he has led me to believe, for you. Is that or is that not true?"

"Sir," Hoshi began as she felt her cheeks begin to warm, "If Starfleet has set protocols allowing relationships between crewmembers, including the Captain, I fail to understand, being blunt, what business it is of Starfleet's what my feelings are." _There! I don't care if I get busted for this! Busybodies!_

Elpers looked taken aback. But then, to Hoshi's surprise, gave her a grudging smile.

"I see part of the reason why Jon's attracted to you," Elpers commented. "Ensign, I'll be candid with you. I've known Jon Archer since he was twelve years old. All he ever wanted to do was explore the universe and fly. Now, Starfleet has agreed that it would be healthy for everyone on Enterprise, given the long period of exploration you all are on, to form some type of relationship. And given the choices, we'd like to see those relationships be with humans rather than some alien species.

"However, Jon's the first captain on a mission of this magnitude. The future of Earth exploration is riding on him and how he conducts himself. A lot of people want him to fail and I'm not just talking about the Vulcans. There's a huge isolationist movement on Earth and we can't have any mistakes that could have been avoided with a little forethought."

"And you think I might be something that will cause a mistake," Hoshi said sharply.

"Now don't get your feathers ruffled, young lady," Elpers replied, holding up his hands. "The problem is that you are a unique officer. Not only are you communications, but you're Jon's linguist and more often than not you're going to be on the front lines more than anyone else and Jon's going to have to send you there. While I don't think either of you would ever be unprofessional and avoid a mission, I just know that sending you into potentially dangerous situations will eat away at Jon every single time until there's nothing left of him.

"Pretty soon, he'll start making mistakes. Hell, I can already tell he's distracted and not on top of his game. Earth can't afford that in a Captain, not when the stakes are so high."

Hoshi considered the Admiral's words for a moment. She licked her lips and looked back at the screen. "What are you suggesting?"

"Enterprise will be crossing path with a Vulcan ship in about eight days. I can arrange for your transfer off Enterprise and to another ship or back to Earth. With your experience and expertise, you could have any position you want." The Admiral leaned forward and his voice took on an urgent note.

"I'll be honest, I'm not a fan of this new policy, but I can't order you back because of it. But I can lay it all out there for you, Ensign. Having a relationship with you could end Jon's career. I don't think anyone wants to see that happen."

Hoshi looked down at her hands. "No," she said softly, "No one wants to see that happen."

Elpers leaned back in his chair and Hoshi did not see the relieved smile on his face. "Let me know before the eight days are up and I'll make the arrangements if you decide to leave Enterprise. I'm glad we had this talk, Ensign. Elpers out."

The Elper's image blinked out and the Starfleet logo appeared on the screen.

Hoshi just sat in Archer's too-big chair, staring at her hands clasped in her lap.

* * * * * __

jyorraku 

The door chimed. Startled out of her thoughts, Hoshi squinted at the door, as if seeing it for the very first time.

"Hoshi, are you all right?" Jon asked at the door, trying to restrain from letting himself in. _What the hell did Elpers say to her? She's been in there for a good hour._

It was Jon. Oh God, it was Jon. Suddenly she wanted to laugh at the hilarity of it all. Him chiming on the door of his own ready room waiting for her permission to come in. Captain of the Enterprise scared to go inside his own damn ready room. 

He should be scared. 

After all, Admiral Elpers said she could be one to end his career. Not the Vulcans, not the Suliban, not the Klingons, but Ensign Hoshi Sato. 

__

Little ol' me. 

She started to tremble so hard that she had to hug herself to keep from falling off his chair. Biting violently into her lip, she swallowed the sounds of anguish that threatened to bubble over. Her breaths came in rapid heaves that rattled her lungs.

She could leave. In the back of her mind, when she and Jon where making their peace as friends in Sickbay, she always knew that she could just leave. It hadn't come to that. But now . . . now that they could be together, she couldn't let it happen. Because she was too valuable an officer, a linguist that had to be on the front lines. If she had been a assistant engineer, a botanist, an astrometrics technician . . . she probably wouldn't even have been picked to be on the Enterprise. She would have never met Jon. Never felt his touch, never returned his kiss, never...never loved at all.

__

Why? 

Didn't fate believe she was strong enough? She'd been ready to stick to friendship, she truly was. She even got to know a few of the men on the ship better. The new regulations applied to her too, there was no reason she couldn't put it to good use. No reason to wallow in the misery that would only make the both of them suffer. 

She bit her lip and got through it. She just breathed and got through it. Hoshi thought she had made tremendous progress. That is until Trip spoke to her, his news crumbling her fragile walls. Anger rioted in her heart when she finally understood Trip's words, but there was also hope, springing back from the eternal darkness of her memories with Jon. It was the same hope that crashed and burned brightly behind her eyes as Admiral Elpers spoke to her. Now, feeling tears trickling down her cheeks, Hoshi knew she'd reached the limit. There were only so many ways to forget. 

"Come in," she heard herself say, somewhere in her jumbled thoughts she was still mindful of him waiting behind the door.

Hoshi studied his profile as the door opened. Adonis. A beautiful creature made of passions that drove him to the outer edges of the universe. He was meant to be here among the stars. To take that away from him would be to kill him in the slowest possible way. She didn't want to be the one to wield the knife, she couldn't. She loved him too much.

Jon stepped in, looking ill at ease, almost afraid to meet her eyes. When he did, his gut twisted at the tears in her eyes and the wet paths they drew on her cheeks.

"Hoshi," he whispered with an aching longing that he had kept hidden for the past month. He reached into the air between them, wanting to touch her, wanting to drive away the haunted look in her eyes. What could Admiral Elpers have said? Did she want him back?

Hoshi reached for him, and as their fingers touched her heart rejoiced in happiness and cried in despair. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, her tears mixing with his skin, and whispered, "Love me."

Exhaling in a rough hiss, Jon said nothing, letting his actions speak his words as he lifted her into his arms and carried her into the darkness of his quarters next door.

Finally back in his embrace after a long and torturing absence, Hoshi began to explore each and every single inch of Jonathan Archer. This time she wouldn't try to forget. This time she would remember. And take those memories with her when she left the Enterprise.

* * * * * __

Josephine 

Hoshi stood with her duffel bag, waiting for the shuttle to take her the Vulcan ship. She was silent, staring ahead, but not seeing anything in particular.

Trip was standing beside her, also staring straight ahead, also not saying anything. He had done enough talking over the past eight days for eight months, and couldn't think of anything else that would convince her to stay. 

Malcolm was doing the final check of the shuttle, and would take Hoshi over in ten minutes. He didn't quite understand what was going on, or exactly why Hoshi was leaving, only that she and the Captain, and to some extent, Trip, had been acting very weird the past few days.

Jon wasn't there. Hoshi didn't expect him to be; he had made his feelings about her, and her leaving, clear. She knew he didn't understand why she had to leave, why she couldn't stay. Jon had his life ahead of him, filled with exploring the universe; and while he could have friends, he couldn't have the burden of loving someone like her. Someone who could be out there in the thick of things.

Hoshi bowed her head as the memories of the past eight days came flooding back, a lone tear trickling down her cheek.

* * * * *

Eight days ago:

Warm within the circle of Jon's arms, Hoshi lay with her cheek on his chest. She could feel his heartbeat; feel his rhythmic breathing as he slept. They had been slow at first, coming from the ready room, then become almost uncontrollable as the bottled-up passions of the previous weeks had come to the fore. She allowed herself one last moment to feel all of him, to commit him to memory, then slowly moved out of his embrace. Hoshi got dressed, still looking at Jon, then without a backward glace left his cabin.

Making her way to the bridge, she sat down at the Comm. station and sent her agreement to Admiral Elpers to meet the Vulcan ship in eight days. She would determine her next duty station after she got back to Earth.

Leaving the bridge, Hoshi went to find Trip, finally discovering him in the mess hall eating pecan pie. She handed him a padd.

"What's this?" he mumbled around a bite of pie.

Hoshi looked at a spot six inches above Trip's head. "My new orders. I will be transferring over to a Vulcan ship in eight days, which will take me back to Earth. I'll begin training Ensign Luer on my duties, to take over until my replacement comes."

Trip nearly choked on his pie. "New orders?! You're leaving?"

"Yes."

"For Gawd's sake, why?"

"Personal reasons."

"Hoshi! You can't go! The Cap'n loves you. You're everything to him."

"Enterprise, and her mission, are everything to him, Trip. He doesn't need me as a distraction."

"You're not a distraction!" He thought a moment. "Does Jon know?"

"No. As the first officer, you're the one to come to with matters like this."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"..."

"You **have** to tell him, Hoshi. I can't, I **won't**. It has to come from you."

"... I'll tell him." 

"Good. Maybe he can talk some sense into ya." __

jyorraku 

* * * * * 

Hoshi stood at the door of the ready room, her hand holding a report that Archer had requested from her. Yet, her mind was not on the report. This would be the first time they would see each other since last night. Trip already knew about her transfer. She had to tell **him** now. Before she came on duty, she already rehearsed everything she was going to say to Jon. But now, as she stood at the threshold of his door, she found it hard just to ring the chime. Somehow, after taking several deep breaths, she found the strength.

__

You're strong, Jon. This could only make things easier for you.

"Come in," came the summons.

Hoshi went in. Jon kept his eyes downward, studying something on his padd, but from the crooked curve of his lips, she could tell he knew it was her. Squaring her shoulders, she prepared to give the performance of a lifetime.

"I've got the report you wanted, Captain," Hoshi said as she leaned in close to place her padd next to his hands. Her mouth was centimeters away from his ear, her breasts pressing against his wide shoulders.

Jon suppressed a shudder at their close proximity. He cleared his throat and managed with reasonable steadiness, "Thank you, Ensign."

Her mouth was so close now, he could feel her smile at his reply. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, remembering her smiles from last night. 

Hoshi noted his discomfort, valiantly ignored the painful jerks of her heart, and forged bravely ahead. 

"Jon--" she started to whisper, her hands moving across his uniform collar.

Archer caught her hand. "Hoshi, we're still on duty," he protested begrudgingly. But he didn't bother to stop her when she turned his chair around and straddled him until they were hip to hip. His hands came naturally to her waist. Whether it was to stop her from moving any further or just to keep her there, he wasn't even sure anymore. Her intoxicating scent enveloped him until he couldn't feel anything but the pressure and the friction of her body over his. And his hands, his cursed hands, were starting to roam over her soft curves.

Hoshi nipped at his neck, murmuring, "I just thought since we only have eight days now, that you'd want to make the most of it."

Jon's hands stilled. He yanked her away from him so quickly that she had to place her hands on his chest just to balance herself. His heart started to pound in dread. Something wasn't right. Even if they were back together, Hoshi wasn't the type to start crawling all over him when they were both on duty. He looked into her face, "What do you mean, eight days?"

Hoshi feigned confusion. Then realization. "I didn't tell you last night, did I?" she asked cautiously.

His hands tightened instinctively into her flesh. She gasped at the sudden gesture but he drew her face upright until they were eye to eye. "What didn't you tell me?"

She blinked at him. "I'm being transferred. There's a Vulcan ship here to pick me up in eight days."

"Why? I thought--" Panic started to rise in him. 

Hoshi inhaled sharply, "You thought...you thought that we were back together?"

__

Why did she sound so incredulous?! 

"This," she gestured between them, "This...last night. It was just something for old times sake. For your efforts."

"My efforts?" It was his turn to be astonished, not to mention outright confused.

Hoshi moved away from him to stand on her own. "I know you spoke to Starfleet about us, convinced them to change the regulations, but I was ready to just be friends, Jon." She wet her lips nervously and continued, "I thought we had agreed to be friends, but Elpers told me you still had feelings for me. But...what happened between us, it hurt so much. I can't go through that again. Whatever feelings I _had_..."

Jon's face was turning into a shade of dark that she'd never seen before, but she knew she had to continue, to break it off completely. He would be stronger for it. "I just didn't want to make it hard for you," she said, the one truthful thing that was from her heart. 

"So you requested to be transferred off the Enterprise," Jon finished for her, his voice oddly flat.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Hoshi replied, driving in the final nail that sealed her fate, "Yes."

She watched in complete despair as Jon struggled to keep his emotions in check. The muscles of his jaw clenched and flexed, marring his handsome face. Going against every cell of her body, Hoshi leaned into him, "You tried, I'm flattered. There's no reason why we can't spend these last days--"

Jon threw her arms away from him.

"Get out."

Her lip trembled from the effort to keep her pain from crying out. Disgust, anger, and hatred burned in his eyes. She felt herself die in the conflagration. But outwardly, she shrugged lightly.

"I'm sorry it had to come to this, Jon. Best of luck to you and the Enterprise." With that, Hoshi turned and walked out of the Ready Room.

--continued in part 3-- 


	3. Decisions and Repercussions

Title: Somewhere In the Night 3/3  
Author: Jyorraku, Josephine, Chrysa, Didi, Mara, JustVisiting, Catseye  
E-Mail: For contact info, check the Linguistics Database Forum: .

__

Mara 

Trip was going nuts.

And the worst part was, he didn't have anyone to talk to about it. Well, he had two people to talk to, but they weren't talking back.

__

Jon and Hoshi are definitely driving me nuts, he thought, standing at the engineering station on the bridge. It was near the end of his shift and all was well in the engines, so he'd given up any pretext of working and was watching his two friends.

Just a couple of days ago, it looked like everything was going to work out. But **something** happened.

Trip brooded as he watched them avoid each other, which was tough on a small bridge. Even if he had to issue an order to her, Jon wouldn't look at Hoshi, he'd look past her, around her, at her console. Hoshi was doing an amazing acting job, it almost looked like nothing was wrong. Except that she never looked at Jon, either.

Trip knew Admiral Elpers had called and Hoshi had talked to him and then Jon and Hoshi had disappeared. (Ply Travis with booze and he'd tell almost anything.) That was a **good** sign, right?

At dinner that night, Jon didn't say anything specific, but he definitely had the look of someone who'd gotten what he wanted.

Then suddenly, BAM! Hoshi was leaving and the next Ice Age had hit the Enterprise.

__

Jon, what'd you do to screw this up?

He'd tried to talk to him: at dinner, in the halls, in his quarters. All he got for his trouble was tight-lipped silence, furious glares, and finally an order to "shut up or I'll throw you in the brig."

Well, never let it be said that Charles Tucker III was a quitter. So, he tried to talk to Hoshi, catching her alone in the mess hall, late one evening.

But he got the same tight-lipped silence, same furious glares, and if she'd had the power to throw him in the brig, he'd be there for the rest of his life. She'd had to settle for "Drop it, Commander."

"Hoshi, what is going on?" He paced back and forth in front of her, trying to catch her eye.

"Ask the Captain."

He leaned on the table. "He's not talkin'."

"Then perhaps you should take that as a sign to stop asking."

"Two friends are roamin' around the ship looking like their mama just died and somebody ran over their dog and you expect me to just leave it alone?"

She looked down at the table. "Yes."

"I can't let it go," he said, starting to feel pretty angry himself.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm watching you both self-destruct and I hate it."

Something passed over her face, but he wasn't sure what. She took a moment to compose herself and looked up at him. "He will be fine once I'm off this ship, I assure you."

"But-"

"This conversation is over. Unless you'd like to pull rank and try to **order** me to tell you?"  
  
_I'm getting desperate enough to consider that._ Trip shook his head slowly. "I've known Jon Archer a long time, and I've never seen him hurting like this before. I hope I never see it again. Whatever he did, he doesn't deserve this."

She almost spoke, but shook her head. Trip stalked out of the messhall, but he still didn't have any answers.

* * * * * __

Josephine 

Jonathan Archer walked into his ready room, three days after Hoshi told him she was being transferred. Trip said he had tried to talk to her, to find out why, but she kept repeating that it was better that she left.

Moving behind his desk, Jon opened a cabinet door and took out a bottle. Breaking the seal, he poured out a generous amount of the Kentucky bourbon into a glass.

__

Why? Why is she really going? Did I mean nothing to her?

Looks like it, Johnny boy. She sure isn't showing any sign of regret that she's leaving... 

Jon rubbed his forehead at the voice. _Once, I meant something. Once, I was everything she needed._

Not any more...

No, not any more. 

Jon remembered the indifferent little shrug Hoshi had given after informing him she was leaving. Staring at the bottle of bourbon, he picked it up and threw it against the wall; then sat down and dropped his head into his hands. 

"T'Pol to Archer."

"Archer here."

"There is a small ship approaching us."

"Any idea who?"

"No, sir."

"I'll be right there."

Striding onto the bridge, Archer looked at the ship approaching them. "Have they responded to hails?"

"No, sir."

"Open a channel."

Hoshi pushed a button. "Open, sir." 

"This is Captain Archer of the starship 'Enterprise'. We are on a peaceful mission of exploration, and mean no harm."

"No response, sir."

The small ship zipped away. Archer sighed, watching it go, then turned toward his ready room.

"A larger ship approaching on long range sensors, Captain." T'Pol's voice called him back.

Standing in front of his chair, Archer waited until the second ship came up on the screen. "Still no idea who they are?"

"No, sir."

The new ship hung in front of them, not making any move. "Open a channel."

"Open, sir."

Archer repeated his hail, waiting for the ship to do something. "Mayweather, move us around them," he said after a few minutes.

As Enterprise began to move, Hoshi said, "I have something, sir. Just a moment..." A garbled alien language came up, eventually smoothing out to "You are trespassing in Bocteb space. Surrender your ship. You are trespassing in Bocteb space. Surrender your ship. You are trespass..."

"Cut it off." The alien voice stopped.

"This is Captain Archer. We are on a peaceful mission of exploration. We mean you no harm, and will leave your area of space." Turning to Travis, he continued. "Turn us around, Mr. Mayweather."

"Incoming!" Reed shouted, barely in time for the crew to grab hold of something as the ship rocked.

Something in Jonathan snapped. He was tired of being pushed around, tired of other people deciding what his life was going to be like. His father, Star Fleet, Admiral Elpers, Hoshi. And now some alien race with delusions of grandeur.

"Polarize the hull! Reed, target cannons, and fire at their engines! Ready torpedoes! I don't want to kill them, just knock them out. Travis, this is where you earn your stripes! Get us the hell out of here!" Fury and rage laced Archer's voice as he barked orders. The crew ran to fill them, wondering what had gotten into the Captain. Strapping himself into his chair, Archer continued to issue rapid-fire commands until the wounded alien ship hobbled away.

"Status report!"

"All decks reporting in, a few injuries, no casualties. No hull breaches, but a few systems are out." 

"Get started on them. Travis, take us around this area. T'Pol, keep an eye out for any more of those ships." Getting up, Archer strode to the lift, leaving a shocked and silent crew behind.

* * * * *

As Malcolm picked up her duffel bag, Hoshi bit back a sob remembering that day on the bridge. That was the day that the Jonathan she loved was totally replaced with a hard, cold man that no one knew. He didn't smile anymore, or laugh; it was like he had withdrawn into himself. The entire crew was walking on eggshells.

Hoshi knew she was the reason for it; but she kept telling herself that as soon as she left everything would be fine, he would forget about her and go on to do all the great things that he was meant to.

"It's time, Hoshi." Startled, Hoshi looked up as Malcolm reached out to help her into the shuttle. Hoshi's hand shook as she grasped Malcolm's; breathing rapidly, she buckled the harness.

"You two are the most stubborn pair of jackasses I have ever known." Trip stuck his head through the door. "You're making the biggest mistake of your life, Hoshi Sato."

Closing her eyes against Trip's accusing gaze, Hoshi tried to even out her breathing. "I have to leave. I just have to."

Trip didn't say anything, only gave Hoshi a finally confused and frustrated glance. He stepped away as the shuttle door closed, then moved into the antechamber to let the bay doors open and the shuttle depart.

Hoshi sat the entire trip over with her eyes closed, desperately trying to think of anything but Jonathan Archer. She felt the shuttle slow as they approached the Vulcan ship, the slight bumps as it landed, then the hiss of the hydraulics as the door opened. She unbuckled the harness and stood up, lifting her eyes to see the Vulcan first officer and some of the crew waiting for her.

As the enormity of what she had done, as the realization that she had turned her back on the greatest love she would ever know finally caught up with her, Hoshi called out Jonathan's name on an anguished cry, her unconscious body sliding to the floor of the shuttle. __

catseye 

Malcolm uttered an exclamation and caught Hoshi before she hit the ground. "Hoshi!" he cried out. 

Her eyes were wide open, but she did not respond. One of the Vulcans snapped out an order and another one went scurrying away. A minute later, an older Vulcan appeared.

"I am Tranek, the medical officer," the new arrival said as he bent down beside the Enterprise crewmembers. He began to examine Hoshi as Reed contacted his ship.

"Reed to Enterprise."

"Go ahead, Mr. Reed," Archer's voice responded.

"Sir, Ensign Sato fainted and we are attempting to revive her."

On the Enterprise bridge, Jon leaned forward in his chair, sitting on the edge of it and gripping the arms tightly. Hoshi fainted? What was wrong with her? "What's her status, Mr. Reed?" He was surprised by how calm he sounded.

"Captain Archer, I am Tranek, the Vulcan medical officer. I believe it would be best to transport Ensign Sato back to the Enterprise. We are not equipped to care for a human in her condition."

"What's her condition?" Archer barked back. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Trip staring intently at him from Malcolm's station.

There was a slight hesitation before Tarnek responded. "I am not certain."

* * * * *

Archer, Trip and Dr. Phlox met the returning shuttle. As the hatch swung open, Phlox and Trip were already climbing inside. Jon stood where he was, rooted to the spot. He watched as Trip carried Hoshi out. He could see that Hoshi's eyes were open, but she didn't appear to be breathing or showing any other signs she was aware of her surroundings. Archer's eyes met Trip's for a moment before the Captain looked away.

Dr. Phlox was frowning at his medical scanner. "We need to get her to sickbay immediately." Even his perpetually cheery voice sounded grim.

Trip and the Doctor hurried out the room as Malcolm went through the process of securing the shuttle.

"Malcolm," Archer spoke softly. "What happened?"

Reed sighed. "I don't know sir. One moment she was greeting the Vulcan crew and then she cried out your name, or at least she said "Jon," and then she passed out."

Slowly, Archer turned to look at his munitions man. "She called out for me?" A spark of hope revived in him.

* * * * *

It was cool and yet warm. She was bathed in white light, but it was not harsh. A faint smell of lemons reached her nose. 

"Where am I?" Hoshi whispered.

There was nothingness around her, only the whiteness. It was soft and comforting, but strange and alien as well.

She remembered she was on the Vulcan ship with Malcolm. She was leaving the Enterprise to go back to Earth. 

"Malcolm?" she called out. "Anyone?"

She wasn't in her uniform any longer, but a long, flowing white dress. Soft and silky, it felt lighter than air. No, she felt lighter than air.

"What is going on?"

"Men'ha braka tu!"

Hoshi's head snapped around. The voice was all around her, but she could see no one. 

"Men'ha braka tu!"

Rapidly, she went through in her mind the various languages she knew and fixed on one. The Bocteb.

Given the last few days on the Enterprise, she had not had a chance to thoroughly study the language. Desperately, she tried to remember everything she knew.

"Men'ha braka tu!"

Rapidly, her mind raced through the columns of vocabulary. Men'ha braka tu. Tell us all.

"Tria-, tria nee ta," Hoshi got out haltingly. Where am I?

"Betal te groh!" We will take.

A searing pain laced through Hoshi's brain and she screamed.

* * * * *

"What's wrong with her?" Archer asked Phlox as she stood beside Hoshi's bedside.

"I'm not certain, Captain," the Denobulan replied. "Her vital signs are stable, if rather low. But her brainwave activity...I've never seen anything like it. It's erratic with extreme peaks and valleys."

"So she's aware of us?" Archer inquired. Impulsively, he picked up one of Hoshi's hands and held it.

"Captain," Phlox said gently. "I simply don't know."

Archer opened his mouth to reply but felt a pressure in the hand that held Hoshi's. He looked quickly down and realized she was squeezing his hand. "Doctor!" he said sharply. "She's squeezing my hand." He bent down close to Hoshi's face. "Hoshi?" he called out.

He saw it then, a single tear slowly escaped one of Hoshi's open, unseeing eyes and cut a path down her cheek.

* * * * * 

Trip frowned at the display on Malcolm's console. Either the outermost sensors were on the fritz, or it had picked up something. It was there one moment, gone the next.

"T'Pol," Trip called across the bridge. "You pickin' anything up on the portside?"

T'Pol, in command while Archer was in sickbay, turned towards her own console. "Negative, Commander," she replied after a few moments. "Have you detected anything?"

"Not quite sure," Trip said as he tapped a few commands in. "Looks like there was some spatial distortion and then it was gone."

T'Pol raised an eyebrow and began a more extensive sweep of the area.

* * * * *

"I think she's still conscious on some level," Dr. Phlox said hesitantly after Archer pointed out the tear on Hoshi's face. "I'll need to run some more tests."

"Do it," Archer commanded. He sat down next to Hoshi's bedside, still holding her hand. "Hoshi? Hoshi, can you hear me? It's Jon. Hang on, sweetie. Just hang on."

* * * * *

Whatever they were doing to her, it hurt like hell. She could feel the Bocteb in her mind, peering into her memories, making her relive both happy and sad ones.

Then they found what they wanted.

Information about the Enterprise.

They were trying to find out more about the Enterprise. Its weapons capabilities, its defenses, everything.

__

No! Her mind screamed at them. She had to fight them. But how?

Hoshi concentrated and then began to conjugate verbs in different languages. She recited vocabulary lists. It was working. The information began to confuse the Bocteb. It distracted their probe. They got angry and they pushed harder.

That hurt a lot more.

She could feel the Bocteb make more headway. Oh God, she couldn't get keep this up. She needed to fix on something. Something that she could sustain and cling to.

"Hoshi? Hoshi, can you here me? It's Jon. Hang on sweetie. Just hang on."

Jon! Yes, think of Jon. Concentrate on Jon.

Hoshi's summoned up Jon's face, his beautiful face.

She felt the Bocteb retreat and knew she was at least holding them at bay.

* * * * *

Archer felt Hoshi squeeze his hand once again. He frowned at her. Did she hear him?

"Hoshi? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me."

He felt a slight pressure.

She could hear him, he wanted to shout. She was still with him.

Excited, he whispered into her ear. "Hoshi, stay with me. God, Hoshi, just stay with me. I love you too much to let you go." __

Josephine 

Jon looked at Hoshi staring at the ceiling, but seeing nothing. He wiped the tears from her cheeks as they fell, his eyes never leaving her face.

Phlox stepped up to the Captain. "We've determined that something is going on in her brain, but we can't figure it out what's happening. Sub Commander T'Pol has an idea, though."

"It is called a mind meld, Captain. I will join my mind with Ensign Sato's to determine what is causing this."

"Will it harm her?"

"I do not believe so. I am unaware of any Vulcan/Terran mind melds, however."

"It's our best hope, Captain." 

Jon looked back at Hoshi, lying motionless on the bed. "Okay. Go ahead." Phlox and T'Pol moved away to prepare for the meld. Jon leaned forward, placing his head against Hoshi's. "Hold on, sweetheart. We're coming."

* * * * *

Hoshi felt something new, another presence. Not trusting this latest intruder, she curled up tighter, thinking of the few happy days she had spent with Jon. Concentrating on his touch, his scent...driving these trespassers out of her brain. 

* * * * *

T'Pol came out of her trance. "Ensign Sato will not let me in. For some reason, she has put up barriers against me." T'Pol looked back at Hoshi. "Or someone else...Perhaps if you were to join me, Captain, we could both get through to the Ensign."

"Me? Why me?"

T'Pol raised an eyebrow. "Am I incorrect in thinking that you and Ensign Sato are...intimate?" She looked at their joined hands.

"Pretty soon, the whole damn ship will know. What do you want me to do?"

"Link with me, then we will link to Ensign Sato. Talk to her once we are joined. I believe your voice will get her to respond."

"All right."

* * * * *

Hoshi felt the newcomer back in her mind. Steeling herself against another onslaught, at first she thought she imagined Jon's voice.

__

Hosh? Sweetheart, are you there?

No, no, no...

It is, sweetheart. Trust me...

Hoshi felt a cool hand across her face, then a flood of memories that could only have been Jon's.

__

Are you really here?

Yes. T'Pol brought me in. You're in a trance of some kind. We've come to get you out. Sweetheart, what happened?

All the love Jon had for her swept over Hoshi as she opened up to him, but it held the shadow of hurt and anguish her betrayal those seven days ago. Hoshi wept inside as she saw the pain she had caused him, and she withdrew from the connection they had made, wondering how he could still want her back.

**__**

Hoshi! Come back! Don't you dare leave me again!

You don't need me around to distract you from your mission, Jon. Enterprise is all you ever wanted. I'd only get in the way if I stayed...

Hoshi? 

...

****

HOSHI!! __

jyorraku 

She was gone. Like the fading of an echo. As much as he wanted to recapture her, he could feel her withdrawing. And then there was silence.

"T'Pol?!" 

T'Pol's eyes snapped open and she stumbled back into Dr. Phlox's steady arms. Uncharacteristic sweat beaded at her temples. As she reoriented herself, she met Archer's distressed eyes.

"I'm sorry, Captain. I can no longer reach her."

Jon spun back to Hoshi's bedside. Squeezing tightly on her hand, he choked out, "Hoshi, I know you can hear me, please come back, I know you felt I was here, you can still feel me here...please." 

This time, there was no pressure on his hand. There were no new tears. Only the unblinking eyes from the shell that was once the woman he loved, cherished, and adored.

Panicked, Jon turned toward the Denobulan. "Dr. Phlox, what happened?!"

Dr. Phlox continued his scans, his face grim. "Captain, I believe Ensign Sato has withdrawn further into herself. Whatever caused this can no longer reach her, but unless she wishes to come out herself, there's nothing we can do."

"You mean-"

"She will stay like this indefinitely. Until her muscles start to atrophy, her organs start to deteriorate...she will die."

"NO, SHE WON'T!" Jon yelled. He could travel at many times the speed of light, explore strange new worlds, seek out new civilizations, but all of it wouldn't matter if he couldn't keep the woman he loved alive.

Neither T'Pol or Dr. Phlox seemed the slightest perturbed by Archer's outburst. T'Pol didn't even bother to raise her trademark eyebrow. If anything, she looked like she was actually frowning in concentration.

"Captain, I believe Ensign Sato knew the perpetrators of her condition."

"Who?" he asked, gritting his teeth.

T'Pol stared at Archer for a second, as if contemplating whether it was wise to divulge the information.

"Who, T'Pol?!"

"The Bocteb."

Archer spun and punched his fist into the comm button. "Archer to Bridge."

"Mayweather here."

Archer glared at T'Pol, "Head back to Bocteb space, maximum warp. Malcolm, I want all the torpedo ports and phase cannons ready to go."

T'Pol stepped forward, "Captain, it would be unwise to return to Bocteb space-"

"In plain sight with our guns blazing? You said they were in her head, doing God knows what, I can't let them get away with it!"

"--Without reinforcements," T'Pol finished.

Archer gaped at his science officer. 

"The Topas is still in the vicinity. Shall I ask for their assistance?"

Archer instinctively recoiled at asking for Vulcan help. But as he touched Hoshi's cold non-responsive fingers, he threw his caution and prejudice to the wind. 

"Contact them. We'll rendezvous at the coordinates we previously met the Bocteb."

"Understood," T'Pol replied with a curt nod, then headed off to the bridge.

Still shaking his head in disbelief at T'Pol's initiative, Archer would have smiled had he had the ability to feel anything but pain.

"I'm leaving Hoshi in your capable hands, Doctor. Please..." Jon found it hard just to speak.

Dr. Phlox did not say anything to reassure him. Instead, he replied gravely, "Captain, even if we remove the Bocteb's involvement, I believe Ensign Sato has retreated too far into herself for it to matter."

Archer's eyes stung, and blood pounded dully at his temples though his heart ached like salt to an open wound. "We'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it, Doctor. I want to make sure the Bocteb aren't there to probe her again when she does come out of it."

"Of course."

Jon leaned over Hoshi's immobile body and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Don't go anywhere," he whispered, his voice shaking, "I'll be right back." Then he donned his Captain's mask and headed toward the bridge.

* * * * * 

"Incoming!"

"Evasive maneuvers! Fire port tube!"

Enterprise shuddered and screeched as a torpedo flew out from its turning belly. 

Smoke and fire crackled somewhere behind him, but Archer kept his eyes on the target Bocteb ship. Despite the assistance from the Topas, the Bocteb seemed to know where Enterprise's vulnerable spots were. They kept picking at the spots like a scab and all around him, he could sense Enterprise bleeding to death. Then there was a loud roar that even he couldn't bring himself ignore.

"Captain! I think we ran into something on our last move!"

"I'm detecting a spatial distortion. It's another Bocteb ship," T'Pol reported.

"Shit! It must have been trailing us all along," Trip yelled over the chaos.

"Hoshi. It was them," Archer seethed, "They must have used her to get access to Enterprise's systems."

Trip stared incredulously at Archer, "How'd Hoshi even know so much about the ship's vulnerable systems?"

Archer flashed him a grim smile, "Even if she doesn't understand, she remembers everything she hears."

"Then we're in big trouble."

* * * * * 

The Bocteb mind probe was crudely designed. It had no defensive capabilities. Indeed, the Bocteb were so sure that machine was superior to biology that they didn't bother to check the feedback from their victim's minds.

So tightly enclosed was Hoshi around herself that mechanical parts of her mind started to creep out to make room for the extra input. It oozed out in no particular direction. Yet it was aware when it found something interesting and started to drain itself in that direction. So interesting was the finding that it registered within Hoshi's consciousness. Power distribution, schematics . . . vulnerabilities of the Bocteb ships. They were all there. In plain sight.

There was nothing left in her but hurt and pain, that was all she remembered. So like a wounded animal, Hoshi did the only thing her instincts told her to do. 

She struck out in blind hatred. Efficiently. Ruthlessly.

When she came to, she saw herself in front of the display screen in the armory. On the screen, the Bocteb ships exploded brightly, feeding the hungry color receptors behind her eyes.

Hoshi laughed with a voice that was dull and unfamiliar to her ears. "Die, you sons of bitches. DIE!"

"Hoshi?!" Malcolm finally got up after being shoved away by a surprisingly strong, not to mention conscious, Hoshi. He cradled the arm he had injured during the battle, wondering if the pain was making him hallucinate. Gas and electrical sparks were making it hard to see in here. Wasn't she supposed to be in sickbay? 

Hoshi turned to the man that had said something to her. She blinked uncomprehendingly at him through the mist of the damaged ship. 

"Who are you?"

* * * * * __

catseye 

Malcolm could only stare dumbfounded at Hoshi. He watched as her fingers danced over the armory controls and she launched two more torpedoes to finish off the last Bocteb ship.

"Mr. Reed," Archer's voice came over the comm. "Congratulations, I think you just saved us and the Vulcans."

"Sir," Reed cleared his throat. "It wasn't me. It was Hoshi."

The occupants of the bridge stared at each other in silence. Archer shifted slightly in his seat, gathering himself.

"Malcolm, did you say Hoshi?"

"Yes sir," Reed's voice crackled back at him. "She knocked me down and took over the weapons control."

Jonathan felt joy; relief and determination to never let her go. He was about to bound off the bridge to armory when he heard Hoshi's almost disembodied voice come over the communication system.

"Who are you?" she asked again.

Jon's heart sank as he realized things were not going to be that simple.

* * * * *

Hoshi was resting, sedated by Dr. Phlox. The Doctor was nursing a large lump on his head. He explained to the Captain that Hoshi had sat up suddenly during the battle and pushed him violently out of her way. He had fallen and hit his head on the edge of a table.

"And you don't know why she suddenly woke up?" Archer asked as he looked worriedly at Hoshi's prone figure.

"There was a change in the brainwave patterns during the battle," Phlox explained. He pulled up three different brain patterns. "The first is the one Ensign Sato had before Enterprise left Earth. Standard procedure, you know. The second was taken during her comatose state. You notice how erratic it is. The third I took a few minutes ago. It's completely different from the first one."

"You think the Bocteb mind probe...changed her?" Archer asked with a hint of trepidation in his voice. How much would she remember? Would she remember how much he loved her?

Phlox hesitated. "I'm not sure. I don't know if her memory loss is temporary or permanent. I don't even know the extent of the," he didn't want to say damage and opted for another word, "change."

"T'Pol to Captain Archer."

Archer hit the communication button on the wall. "Archer here."

"Incoming transmission for you from Admiral Elpers."

Jon sighed. _Not now._ "I'll take it in my ready room." He looked over at Phlox. "Call me the second you have anything new."

* * * * *

"What the hell were you thinking Jon?!" Elpers thundered at him.

Archer winced inwardly, knowing he had acted out of pure emotion when going after the Bocteb.

"You jeopardized your ship, your crew for one, ONE crewmember!"

"Sir-," Archer began.

Elpers was in a rage and not to be stopped. "I knew something like this would happen when that damn policy was put into place. You acted out of your own selfish interests! Dammit, Jon! I'm surprised Sato had more sense than you did! At least she knew the score enough to get out of the way!"

Archer blinked at the screen when he heard Elpers' words. What did he mean? He remembered that Hoshi's abrupt change coincided with her talk with Elpers. Why didn't he connect the dots sooner? Because he had been so hurt by her actions, he hadn't thought it logically through. One of these days, he should really listen to what T'Pol said.

"Sir," Archer said crisply. "Are you telling me that you ordered Ensign Sato off of the Enterprise to get her away from me?"

Elpers realized his slip and shrugged. What did it matter now? "No, Jon, I didn't order her, but I told her the cold, hard facts of reality. Namely, her presence as a front line officer would eventually cause you to royally screw something up." Elpers' eyes turned stormy again. "Which you did by letting your feelings control you and using a Starfleet ship and crew for your own personal vendetta!"

"So you convinced her to leave." Archer's anger was beginning to swell and build within him, but his voice was still mild. "Let me guess, you said she would jeopardize my career."

"And she damn near cost you it today!" Elpers snapped back. He took a deep breath and sat back in his chair. The two men stared at each other over the many light years, each entrenched in their belief that he was right. When Elpers spoke again, his voice was more controlled and moderate.

"Lucky for you Jon, your ass isn't going to be fried today."

"What?" Archer blinked at him. He knew what he did was wrong, but he didn't really regret it.

"It seems," Elpers tone became slightly sarcastic. "That the Vulcans had been attacked by the Bocteb before. It was all hush-hush, intelligence stuff, which is probably why Subcommander T'Pol had no clue about them. The Vulcans are impressed with Enterprise's performance, and Ensign Sato."

"Hoshi?"

"Yes, Hoshi," returned Elpers. "Apparently, the Bocteb have mind probed Vulcans before, but they haven't been able to withstand it, never mind, turn it against the Bocteb. Nor have they been able to find effective weaknesses in the Bocteb ships." Elpers grinned humorlessly. "Your Hoshi has boosted our standing with our Vulcan friends."

Archer felt a mixture of pride and doubt when he heard Elpers' words. There was still the matter of the changes in Hoshi.

"So, what does this all mean?" Archer finally asked.

"It means," Elpers said brusquely. "That I don't bust your ass!" He took a deep breath. "And, depending on her health and fitness, Ensign Sato should remain on the Enterprise because she's too valuable and experienced of an officer to have cooling her heels on Earth or on any ship that's not going to be breaking the way for Earth." He looked sharply at Archer and leaned forward in his chair. "But we'll be watching you very, VERY closely Jon. One more incident like this one. One more hint that you'll put your own personal interest above the mission or the rest of the crew and I'll make sure the only job you can get in Starfleet is swabbing space ports. Am I clear?"

"Yes sir," Archer replied.

Elpers leaned back in his chair and for the first time grinned at Jon. "One other thing you should know Jon. The reason the Vulcans have had so many problems with the Bocteb and their mind probes is because the probes only work on telepathic species. The Vulcans have that capability."

Archer nodded, remembering T'Pol's mind meld on Hoshi. The he stopped. "Sir, are you saying Hoshi was picked because she's...telepathic?"

Elpers actually smiled this time. "Enjoying having a girlfriend who might actually be able to read your mind. Elpers out."

Archer was left staring at the Starfleet logo.

* * * * * __

Josephine 

Hoshi was lying down on a bed in the corner of sickbay while Phlox tended to other crewmen. Jon made his way over to her.

"Do you know where you are?"

Hoshi looked around. "Sickbay?"

"Do you know which sickbay?"

"No."

Jon kept his face expressionless.

"Do you know who you are?"

"...no."

Phlox came bustling over. "Well, Ensign, that was quite a bump you gave me. How are we feeling?"

"...fine?"

"Indeed?" The doctor ran a scanner over Hoshi, mumbling to himself. "Now her brain waves are practically flat, like she's shut herself down." He looked at Hoshi, just lying on the bed, passive and uncomplaining. "I wonder...I'll be right back, Captain."

"He's nice." Jon only nodded at Hoshi's observation. 

A minute or two passed, with Jon looking at Hoshi and Hoshi looking around the room. Phlox came back and motioned to the Captain to follow him.

"I have spoken with T'Pol about melding with you and Ensign Sato again to see what is happening in her mind. I believe that the Ensign has created a persona to help her deal with the mind probe the Bocteb inflicted on her, but now that it is over, for some reason she doesn't want to come out. Hopefully you and T'Pol can reach her again."

Jon looked over at Hoshi, lying so still on the bed. "Okay. I'll try anything."

* * * * *

Hoshi curled up in her little ball, deep within her subconscious. The Bocteb had finally gone, but so had Jon. _I'll just stay here. There's really nothing for me out there anyway, not without Jon._ She remembered the anger, disgust, and betrayal so easily read on his face when she told him she was leaving. _How could he ever want me back? I was so cruel to him ... No, I'll just stay here, with my memories ..._ __

Mara 

It took them the better part of three hours in real time to get close to where Hoshi had hidden in her mind.

Archer never wanted to experience anything like that again. Ever. It had been an indescribable experience, something like fighting his way through a combined hurricane/tornado/volcano with some fire and flood thrown in, in order to conduct a search and rescue mission while trying to hold his first officer's hand.

Although he knew it was only his own mind playing tricks on him, he still felt as though he'd gone ten rounds with a Klingon. Exhausted, battered, and desperate, he reached out for T'Pol again. _Well, at least I'm getting better at this._

Do not congratulate yourself yet, Captain, we still must breach the final barrier that Ensign Sato has placed around herself. T'Pol's interior voice was nearly as dry as her exterior, but after this long, Archer was beginning to get a feel for what lay behind her pose of indifference. T'Pol would never have agreed to this procedure if she did not think the circumstances were dire.

Archer was trying not to think about what a Vulcan would think was dire. _Failure is not an option,_ he thought firmly.

__

Indeed. Somehow, she managed to give the mental impression of arching her eyebrow at him.

They turned together to look at the final obstacle. To Archer, it looked like a shifting wall of...well, not light exactly, not sound...

__

I do not believe that structures of the mind correspond to the physical world.

He sent his agreement and together they moved into the field of...whatever it was. But this barrier was different than the rest, this one was composed of feelings, and they were hit by a barrage of anger, fear, and overwhelming self-loathing.

He could barely feel his contact with T'Pol and she drew them back. He tried to argue, but his relief was palpable when they were back in the merely dangerous landscape of Hoshi's mind.

__

She is not a powerful telepath, T'Pol told him, _but her lack of training and consequent unpredictability make her dangerous._

Archer wanted to weep. _To be so close...T'Pol, how do we get past this?_

The same way. We continue. Now that I know what to expect I can shield myself from most of the emotions. I will shield you as much as I can.

They pushed forward again, Hoshi's mind throwing at them every negative emotion it could conjure, and then the emotions began to have words, pictures, and scenes attached.

A woman's voice saying "Not good enough, Hoshi"...a man, mouth open and obviously yelling..."Don't"..."How could"...suddenly another flash...and for just a moment, Archer saw himself pushing Hoshi away, eyes cold and hard, "Get out."

T'Pol's presence was the only thing holding him together. _Keep moving, Captain._ He kept moving.

Success happened so quickly, it was almost painful. From utter chaos, they erupted into a familiar scene: Hoshi's room in Brazil, just as he remembered it. There, on the bed, Hoshi lay with...him?

T'Pol's voice echoed in his mind. _This is the center, Captain. She is here, and she should be able to hear you. I will do my best to separate from what happens here._ A pause. _Good luck._

He watched for a moment, stunned, as the image of him leaned over Hoshi and they talked and laughed. The Senhora brought them coffee, he talked to Trip, the Admiral summoned him back to San Francisco.

He shook himself and pressed forward as the image of him disappeared through the door. Before he could call out to Hoshi, suddenly they were in her classroom at the Linguistics Institute.

__

Oh my god, she's reliving our time together, over and over.

As Hoshi swept past him out the door, he grabbed at her arm. It was like trying to hold water; there was substance, but too slippery and fluid to hold.

__

Hoshi! he called as the scene switched to her office, but she ignored him, focusing on the friendly image in front of her. __

jyorraku 

Hoshi watched the scene in front of her with a small smile. There she sat in her Los Angeles office talking with Jon about her position on the Enterprise. It felt like only yesterday . . . 

__

You, I want you.

Me? I'm not going into space.

I want you, Professor Sato, and I'm going to get you.

Do you think you have what it takes?

Jon stood next to her, watching her reliving the memory. She chuckled at the scene in front of them, looking happier than she had ever been on the Enterprise. He forgot to breathe, basking in the glow of her radiance. This was what Hoshi used to be like, before Enterprise. He touched her face, watching as it rippled under his touch. It pained him to know that he was the one that took her away from being carefree and happy.

"I'm sorry, Hoshi, I'm so sorry," he whispered, knowing that she probably couldn't hear him anyway. "If I could take it all back...I just want you to be happy."

Hoshi trembled suddenly, feeling something jerking at her. Cold settled over her as the scene before her flickered yet again. Now she was on the Enterprise. She saw herself, struggling to forget Jon, drawing into herself, and coming to in Sickbay.

"This isn't real. I'm so weak," she observed curiously. A tear fell down her cheek, at odds with her frowning face. She caught the droplet on her finger. "I cried. I cried for him."

She turned and for the first time since Jon came into Hoshi's mind, Jon realized that she saw him. She stared at him, not through him.

"Hoshi?" Jon ventured cautiously.

Hoshi's eyes narrowed, her lips thinning to a white line. "You did this. You made me weak. You made me ugly. Why are you here? GO AWAY, leave me alone!"

Jon wrapped his arms around her, relieved that he was finally able to hold on. "Hoshi, I'm sorry..."

She struggled against him, trying her best to get away. But he held on tight, so not even air came between them. Finally, she surrendered, falling weakly against him. Choking in her tears, she buried her face in the crook of his arms. "Why...do you make me...feel this way?" she asked haltingly in a small voice.

He smoothed his hands over her hair. "I don't know, Hoshi. I don't know."

"I was happy. Content . . . "

So was he. The Enterprise was finally going to be launched. He was finally going to fulfill his father's dreams. He didn't need anything else. But fate interceded in the form of Hoshi Sato, and suddenly it wasn't enough anymore. The intensity of his need for her scared him, so he had kept away, trying to convince himself he would be content with being the Captain of the Enterprise. Now he knew he would never be content again. Not without her.

"Hoshi, please come back, I love you."

Hoshi smiled sadly at that, her eyes shadowed by sorrow, "Love isn't enough for you. I love you too much to let it be." She leaned up and placed a soft kiss by his temple. "Be happy. Forget about me."

Jon blinked dizzily at her kiss, swaying in place. Hoshi stared at him, almost through him, with growing realization of her abilities. She had learned more about her telepathy through the Bocteb. With everything that they had shared between them and her new powers, she knew Jon was especially vulnerable here in the domain of her mind. Squeezing her eyes tight, she steeled herself for her next task.

"Forget about us," she whispered to him, "Forget everything that I am to you. I am Ensign Hoshi Sato, your communications officer. That is all I am." She watched as Jon's eyes fluttered close at her spell. "And that's all that I will ever be," she finished for herself.

__

Captain! T'Pol allowed herself a small outburst as Archer broke the link and fell to the floor. She had not seen what happened between him and Ensign Sato but wondered what could have caused Captain Archer to collapse in the middle of a meld. She broke away from Hoshi and helped Dr. Phlox lift him onto a bed nearby.

"What happened?" Dr. Phlox asked T'Pol as he scanned the Captain.

"I am uncertain," T'Pol answered. Had she underestimated the extent of Ensign Sato's powers?

"Hmm, seems like a mild fainting spell," Dr. Phlox said as he applied a hypospray to Archer's neck.

A couple seconds later, Archer moaned. He opened his eyes and saw T'Pol and Dr. Phlox standing over him. "What happened? I feel like I've been through hell."

"I believe Ensign Sato broke the meld with you."

"Hoshi?" Archer sat up to see Hoshi sitting up in a bed across from his. T'Pol raised an eyebrow at the conscious Hoshi. Even Dr. Phlox looked bewildered at her sudden recovery.

"Captain, thank you for getting me out from the traps the Bocteb put in my head. I feel so much better now," Hoshi told him, smiling.

Archer shook his head, trying to get rid of the spiderwebs that seem to clog his thoughts. He felt confused and disoriented, as if someone had just used his brain for a soccer ball and kicked it around a bit. Yes, the Bocteb had tried to use Hoshi for information about the Enterprise. He went after them but Hoshi was still trapped inside her head. And...T'Pol suggested that he could help get her out. But...why him? _I suppose because Hoshi listens to me, I'm her Captain._ "Umm...you're welcome, Ensign. Just," he shook his head again, "Just don't let it happen again."

Hoshi smiled softly at him. "It won't happen again, sir."

* * * * * __

catseye 

Hoshi quietly sipped her tea as she scrolled through the information on her padd. She was vaguely aware of T'Pol's approach, but chose to ignore the Vulcan.

"Ensign Sato, may I join you?"

Hoshi stifled a sigh. She was wondering when this would happen.

After she managed to make Jon forget and erase all his memories of their personal relationship, Phlox had kept her in sickbay for two more days. She knew what she did to Jon was potentially dangerous, still uncertain about these new avenues in her mind that the Bocteb mind probe had opened up.

And while she was able to make Jon forget, there was still the matter of a few people who knew about them. Except for Trip, she felt fairly certain that Phlox and T'Pol would never bring the matter up. She had a brief conversation with Admiral Elpers while still in sickbay as they discussed her continued assignment on Enterprise and she had firmly and convincingly informed him that her relationship with Jon was over. She knew the Admiral wouldn't let anything inadvertently slip.

That left the problem of Trip. She had considered briefly altering his memories as well, but the whole idea of doing that was distasteful to her. It almost felt as though she would be violating him. Of course, that was what she had done to Jon, but she felt justified in doing so, to spare him the pain. Besides, she wasn't thinking too clearly at the time and had acted on an emotional impulse.

Fortunately, Trip believed that she and Jon were still on the outs and was wise enough to not bring up their past relationship.

That only left one potential problem. Archer's fainting spell and his abrupt change in attitude appeared to raise some suspicion in T'Pol. Hoshi didn't need to be a mind reader to realize that. Phlox's battery of tests on her kept the Vulcan away for a few days, enough time for Hoshi to think of a way to deal with the Subcommander.

"Please," Hoshi said, indicating the empty chair at her table.

It was late and the messhall was empty. Hoshi noticed that T'Pol also carried a cup of tea. The Vulcan took a sip and regarded Hoshi carefully.

"The Doctor is pleased with your recovery," T'Pol remarked. "But he has noted some alterations in your brainwave patterns."

"I didn't realize my medical records were public information," Hoshi said with just the slightest edge in her voice.

"They are not," T'Pol replied coolly. "However, given the circumstances he felt it best to consult with me."

"Circumstances?" Hoshi repeated. "You mean the latent telepathic capabilities that have surfaced?"

T'Pol nodded. "You are untrained. Dr. Phlox suggested that it might help if I gave you some instructions to focus your mind."

Hoshi tilted her head to one side and regarded the Vulcan intently. "That time we were on the Klingon ship. When you helped me calm down? You sensed it in me, didn't you?"

T'Pol nodded again. "Not immediately, but when you reacted so quickly, I suspected there may have been some latent abilities." She raised one eyebrow. "However, when I performed the mind meld, I realized I had underestimated."

"Is that good or bad?" Hoshi asked.

"It would depend on how that energy is harnessed."

"Don't worry, Subcommander," Hoshi laughed. "I don't intend to use my superpowers for the forces of evil."

"Sometimes one does not regard her actions to be evil," T'Pol returned.

Hoshi stared at the blank face of the Vulcan and she spoke softly. "And sometimes you do things to spare those you love the most."

The two women regarded each other silently for a moment and T'Pol inclined her head gracefully in defeat. "I have noticed an improved attitude in Captain Archer." Hoshi started at the mention of Jon's name and T'Pol raised her eyebrow again, but she merely continued. "Perhaps he is better served with your methods." She took another sip of her tea. "However, I do believe it would be best if we begin some type of training."

Hoshi smiled slightly. "I'd like that."

* * * * *

After tossing and turning for several hours, Archer got out of bed and sat down at his desk. Porthos regarded him sleepily for a moment, uttered a small whine and then went promptly back to sleep.

__

What was wrong? He wondered as he ran his fingers through his hair. Why couldn't he sleep?

After the fight with the Bocteb, the Enterprise had had an uneventful week as it made repairs and those who had been injured were given time to heal.

The injured, including Hoshi Sato.

Archer smiled as he thought of his communication officer. She had come a long way from that nervous, space-shy ensign to this staggeringly amazing, self-assured woman.

__

An amazingly beautiful woman.

Hello, where did that come from? he wondered.

Yes, Hoshi was beautiful, he admitted that, but he had never thought of her in that way before. She was his communications officer, someone under his command. While Starfleet had a new policy regarding fraternization, he had never really considered taking advantage of it.

Archer shook himself and went back to bed. He needed to be up soon and he would like to get a few hours of sleep. He watched the stars pass by as the ship cut swiftly through space. Soon, he felt his eyelids closed as he drifted off into sleep, only to dream about Hoshi.

* * * * *

Captain Archer entered the messhall. His gaze swept through the room, noting that it was almost full. He saw Hoshi sitting with a lieutenant and for some reason, felt his eyes drawn to the couple. An odd twinge started in the pit of his stomach and he felt a muscle near his left eye twitch. He saw Hoshi laugh at something the lieutenant said.

__

What the hell is she doing with him? His fists clenched and he took a step towards them before he stopped himself.

Archer was shocked by the vehemence of this thought and wondered what had come over him. He...he actually felt jealous seeing Hoshi with this other man. 

It took a great deal of will power to force himself into his private dining room when every fiber of his being wanted to rush over to Hoshi's table. Why was he feeling this way? He had no claims on Hoshi. Hell, they'd only had the most professional of relationships.

"Evenin' Captain," Trip greeted. He and T'Pol were already waiting in the private room.

"Trip, T'Pol," he said distractedly as he took a seat. T'Pol inclined her head gracefully.

They made small talk as a crewman brought out their dinner. Chef had decided to go with a Mexican dinner theme tonight.

Mexican dinner. Central American food. South America. Something clicked in Archer's mind. It was a ghost of a memory and as he tried to grasp it, it faded away again. What was it?

"Captain?" T'Pol inquired. She had asked him a question.

Archer forced himself to concentrate on the dinner conversation. Later that night as he was lying in bed, he recalled what the memory was. Hoshi, lying in bed, her hair unbound and laughing delightedly up at him.

* * * * *

"Ensign, how are those translations coming along?" Archer asked as he leaned over the railing that separated Hoshi's station from part of the bridge.

"I should have the UT up and working in about an hour, sir." She looked up and saw him gazing curiously at her. Hoshi's heart constricted in pain. She thought it would be easier this way, having Jon not remember anything about their relationship, but it was slowly tearing her to pieces.

"Good," he said, still staring at her.

Hoshi felt a twinge of doubt. While T'Pol had helped her focus her new found telepathic talents, she was not adept at reading people's minds. She also really didn't feel she should be prying anyway. But at this moment, with the strange looks Jonathan had been giving her the past few days, she wished she was far along enough to take a peek inside of his head. Was he beginning to remember? And if he did, would he hate her for doing what she did?

To hide her distraction, Hoshi reached out to tap a button her control panel. Sparks flew into her face and she felt a strong charge flow through her body. She was flung out of her chair and she vaguely heard Jon calling her name.

She felt strong arms around her and a solid chest against her back. Trembling from the shock she had just received, Hoshi slowly gathered her wits.

"Hoshi!" Jon cried out frantically.

She looked up into his terrified eyes and smiled wanly. She felt pain next and realized there was a nasty burn on her hand.

* * * * *

Jonathan Archer stood outside his communications officer's quarters and stared at the closed door. The short circuit in Hoshi's control panel had shocked her enough to send her to sickbay. Phlox had pronounced her injuries to be minor but suggested she rest the next day in her quarters.

The accident had more than just an effect on Hoshi. Seeing her hurt had cut through the mental fog Archer had been in for the past few weeks. He remembered everything. He remembered his time with Hoshi, making love to her, the pain of their separation, their arguments and finally, the time he spent inside her mind as she fought the Bocteb probe. Last, he remembered her making him forget all that they had meant to each other.

At first, as the memories came rushing back to him, he had felt bitter anger and resentment. How could she play with his mind that way? But after he had calmed down, he realized she did what she felt would be the only thing to save him from any more pain.

She never realized that not having her was the one thing that hurt most in the world.

He hit the chime on her door and heard her call out for him to come in.

He entered her quarters and she stood immediately up from the chair at her desk. Jon saw her blush slightly because she was dressed simply in a tank top and shorts.

"Sir," she said politely.

The door closed behind him and he hit the locking mechanism. He saw her eyes widen slightly as he approached and placed his hands on her slim shoulders.

"I remember everything," he told her softly.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she bit her lower lip. After a few moments she looked up into his face. "I think it would have been better if you didn't."

He grinned ruefully. "Hoshi, I was mad as hell that you did that to me. Still am a little bit. But you forgot one thing. You may have erased my memories, but you couldn't change my heart. I was falling in love with you all over again."

She stared at him in shock. The tears spilled from her eyes. She stood there as Jon bent down and began to softly kiss her forehead, her cheeks, her lips and her neck.

"But, but, your career...the Enterprise...," she said feebly as she felt any resolve she had built up melt under his gentle touch.

"None of it matters if I can't have you," he murmured as he concentrated on a particularly sensitive spot underneath her ear.

With almost inhuman will, she pushed him slightly away and took a step back. He saw her look at him with hunger, longing, love and fear. "I wouldn't be able to stand it if you regretted being with me."

He smiled at her, confident, lovingly. "I could never regret loving you."

She searched his face and then closed her eyes. She opened up her mind, reaching out with tentative fingers, hesitantly touching his.

Jon felt her quietly caressing his mind and understood what she wanted. He relaxed and allowed her in. Inside, she saw everything he felt and realized he was simply speaking the truth. There would be no regrets from him, no doubts. He wanted her and to him, she was the most important thing. She almost wept when she felt the overwhelming love he had for her.

Hoshi opened her eyes and found Jon staring intently at her. Gently, she reached up and pressed her mouth delicately against his. It was a sweet kiss that quickly increased in its intensity. 

Trying to keep their bodies in contact as much as possible, they undressed and made their way over to her narrow bed. Their hands and mouths roamed the other's body, like new lovers memorizing each detail. 

Hoshi felt Jon tasting and teasing every inch of her until she felt she could take no more and she heard herself beg him. When they joined, it was not simply a physical coupling, but one of mind and spirit. They became one with more than just the sex their bodies craved, it was a joining of such purity that any doubts either had disappeared in the heat of their intensity.

They made love several more times, before they collapsed back into the sweat soaked sheets. Hoshi sighed and turned over onto her side. She felt Jon spoon up against her and he drew the sheet they had kicked down to the foot of the bed over their bodies. She snuggled against him and uttered a low, contented sound in her throat as he kissed her ear. His arms tightened around her and she heard his voice in her mind.

__

Happy?

Yes.

I love you.

I love you too, she thought back at him as they both finally drifted into sleep. 


End file.
